The Wisconsin Union will host “Lit Fest 2016” April 20.

The Union apparently intends lit as short for literature, which may surprise members of this shitty generation. But as Urban Dictionary user fatoubobala articulates, lit is “whenever something is turned up or popping.” On 4/20, this definition can be expanded to fit the definition user Sam aka Simithy provides: “adj. high, stoned, out of it.”

Lit Fest 2016 released the event program, but a more comprehensive agenda can be found below:

Join us on April 20th at Memorial Union to celebrate 400 years of recreational marijuana use!

Events begin at 4:20 p.m. including a performance from Snoop Dogg aka Snoop Lion, a viewing of the same Vine over and over again and presentations from a ton of performers who will get far too high and forget to come. The night ends with the final, special edition of Wisconsin Union Directorate Publications’ lengthy Powerpoint presentation Lit After Dark, which will contain not one, but six photos of a young President Barack Obama smoking a joint, GIFs of endless pepperoni pizzas and top selections from Bernie Sanders Dank Meme Stash.

Schedule Of Events:

• 4:20-5:00 p.m. Lit Fest 2016 begins with a world-renowned performance from Madison’s very own Cheba Hut. The performance will feature a live sandwich-making demonstration of items off the menu, including, but not limited to, Jamaican Red, Chronic, La Canna and Magic Mushroom.

• 5:00-7:00 p.m. Head downstairs to the Festival Room at any time throughout the night to eat an entire family-size bag of Hot Cheetos on the couch. You’ll love listening to the entirety of Bright Eyes’ acclaimed album I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning in the dark until you realize it’s been silent for 15 minutes and everyone has disappeared.

• 5:00-5:04 p.m. This will feel like an hour. A mere four minutes will pass.

• 5:05-6:30 p.m. Join us for a “Holy Shit, Why Am I So, So High?” fishbowl discussion. Join Lit Fest patrons for a conversation about how the hell you could have possibly gotten so obliterated. How do I not remember smoking any of that last blunt? Do you see those colored patterns dancing on the back of my closed eyelids? How do all of those people fit inside one small TV? If I open my mouth just enough, I feel like an earthworm. Does anyone else feel that? Is everything just energy? Can someone pass the bong?

• 7:30-8:30 p.m. Distinguished Lecture Series presents: joint rolling competition and nacho bar.

• 9:00-10:00 p.m. Lit Fest 2016 will conclude after Lit After Dark with a hotbox in Gov. Scott Walker’s Volvo. Join us for this event sponsored by Cheba Hut, your dealer Homie D, who once charged you $60 for an eighth, Sour Patch Kids, the kid in your philosophy discussion who always wears the same Bob Marley t-shirt and WUD Music. This event includes cots for napping, stargazing and raw cookie dough. Bring your best piece to share!

Editors note: This article is satire. The Badger Herald does not endorse attempting to smoke weed inside Memorial Union.