Consider the pillow fort.
No aspect of adolescence compared to the feeling of security and comfort achieved within a pillow fort. Barricaded with cushions and insulated from the outside world, it was a plushy sanctuary for rest and relaxation.
Now imagine you can shit in it.
Such is the emotional atmosphere within the third floor bathroom of the Red Gym, a wonderful hybrid of bodily release and physical security.
The facility sits within the southwestern tower of the building, but you wouldn’t know it once inside. The thick, century-old brick walls and sturdy timber beams running along the ceiling bring a tangible sense of fortification to the room, which was entirely unnecessary yet oddly welcome. It felt relaxing and secure, like being piled with heavy blankets on a cold winter’s night.
The bathroom’s physical isolation factors into this smug sense of entrenchment. It’s removed from any main thoroughfares, tucked into the corner of the Red Gym’s low-traffic third floor. It’s even got a custom sign, and one can’t help but feel as though they’ve entered a snug little clubhouse purpose-built for pooping.
Within this bowel-centric bastion, the handicap-accessible stall offers a wonderful excretory experience. To the left of the toilet is a spacious ledge perfect for holding a backpack, cell phone or other accoutrements. Additionally, the toilet seat is sturdy and abnormally wide, providing ample support for the weary traveler’s ass.
Secure and comforting though it is, the bathroom has its faults. The toilets flush with concerning vigor, to the degree that a number of droplets leap out of the basin as most washes down the pipes. This requires some caution when disposing of your waste. Additionally, it appears the bathroom doesn’t receive regular custodial visits due to its remote location, as suggested by both soap dispensers being completely empty.
Overall, the third floor facilities located within the Armory provide the most secure dump to date. If you’re willing to run the risk of going soapless post-poop, you’ll feel more fortified in your excretory expeditions than ever before.
Specifics
Temperature: Neutral
Noise: Silent except for whirring ventilator, buzzing light
Traffic: Near zero
Lighting: Bright, not overwhelming
Stalls: One standard, one handicap
Toilet paper: Two rolls of one ply
Sinks: Two manual faucets
Dryers: Dyson AirBlade
Cell service: Two bars, medium wifi strength
Automatic flush: No
Graffiti: Not in this stronghold
Overall: 3.8
