Looking for 1,000 disgruntled underclassmen and a Twix bar?

You’ve come to the right place.

There’s bound to be a storm Tuesday, but we’re not just talking about the snow. We’re talking about the stuff in movies, the stuff of legend. A sweaty, gritty, messy, maps-littering-the-floor, good ole’ fashioned shitstorm — aka the Spring Student Organization Fair.

These are icy waters to navigate. Lucky for you, we’re here to help. Below are our best tips for making the most out of the three hours that could change your life.

1. Come with an empty stomach

There’s a reason this one tops the list. There is no way you won’t scarf down four Milky Way Midnights before you’ve had the chance to say, “oh my God free candy.” Don’t bother with dinner. Do your kind tummy a favor and make sure those seven cherry Airheads don’t have to fight for stomach space. Also, do your wallet a favor. Why pay for a healthy meal that will keep you nourished for a productive evening of homework when you could chow down two handfuls of Starburst and spend the night in bed, gasping for air? Two birds, one stone.

2. Glance through the directory before you go

Don’t wait until you’re leaving the Kohl Center before you remember to double back and check out the Lions Club. Avoid that hustle by visiting the directory before leaving your room. Think how impressed your friends will be when you nonchalantly mention that you’re heading to the Pokemon Club, second floor, table 277b, without missing a beat. If you’ve really got it goin’ on, make a list with locations. Can you imagine if you accidentally forget Super Smash Bro. Club, second floor, table 283a?

3. Make eye contact as infrequently as possible

Don’t wait to learn this lesson on your own. You will not be able to turn down the puppy dog eyes from the members of Running Club, just yearning for your wiscmail to make its way onto the sign-up sheet. You don’t run; you hate running. Yet another reason to set your destinations and never walk astray. Do not scan the aisles. No cop, no stop. Keep your eyes down. Don’t reveal too much, and unless addressed directly, talk to no one.

4. If you do accidentally make eye contact with an org you don’t need, be the biggest douche ever

No pity sign-ups. I promise you will never get around to taking yourself off the email list. Pretend to make a phone call, take snapchats, shove two handfuls of Kit-Kats into your pockets, yawn, blow your nose on the tablecloth and grunt, “Rad … later broski.” It hurts now, but it’s for the best.

5. Join a service org

There are 60 of them — that is wild! Service organizations tend to be as high or low maintenance as you please. Events are generally on weekends, you’ll elect your own involvement, likely make plenty of friends and spend your time in one of the most valuable ways possible. All service orgs will be at yellow tables on the second floor. From religious, to international to educational, you’re bound to find a perfect fit.

6. Do not join every service org

There are 60 of them — that is wild! Each one seems better than the last and if you don’t have any idea what you’re looking for before heading over, you will sign up for 14, guaranteed. That is a lot of weekly emails. Pick a few to check out in advance — it really is difficult to go wrong — and set yourself up for a more meaningful decision than one based on which kickoff meeting fits in your schedule.

7. If there is no free meal (preferably pizza) at the kick-off meeting, keep walking

You deserve better. Don’t let yourself get treated like this.

8. Go with a friend, but focus on yourself

If you can, join at least one org with a close friend. You’ll motivate each other to attend meetings and events, and maybe even eventually attain leadership. But don’t hesitate to pull away and check out a few tables on your own for a little while — there is no one else on campus with your unique combination of interests, so don’t sell yourself short! You’re taking on the semester on your own, make sure it’s filled with activities you can’t wait to get out of the house for.

9. Find the Cheese Club

You’re already in Wisconsin. It’s a civic duty to at least check them out.

10. Sign up for at least one org that does something you’ve never done before

Maybe it’s Badger Glassblowers, or Slow Food or Badger Bellydancing, or maybe it’s WUD Society and Politics Committee or the Italian Club — and you don’t even speak Italian. Find your way to a kickoff meeting you potentially never thought you would attend. It might be exceedingly fun, it might be boring or horribly awkward. But those are 50/50 odds you should absolutely take. No time like the present, and no time like 5-8 p.m. Tuesday in the Kohl Center. Bring your Wiscard, and happy hunting!

Editor’s note: The Badger Herald will not be at the org fair because we’re a media organization independent of the university. If you want to work for us, come to our get involved meeting Thursday at 6:30.