Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald


Craps on campus: Post-exercise excretions at the SERF

The Herald’s guide to the best (and worst) spots to poop on campus
Aaron Hathaway

COORDINATES: [43º 4′ 15″ N, 89º 23′ 54″ W]

ALTITUDE: 263 meters above sea level

Nobody likes exercising on a full colon. At the Southeast Recreational Facility, colloquially known as the SERF, you don’t have to. Aspiring bodybuilders, yogis and basketball champions alike can avail themselves to the locker room bathrooms. Although functional, they are hardly a gratifying user experience.


Using these commodes is far from a rewarding affair. Rust lines the edges of the stall dividers, flaking off onto the beige tile floor below. A droning fluorescent light bathes the room in a sickly yellow light, accentuating the jaundiced color palette that unites the tiles and stall walls. An overenthusiastic flushing mechanism splashes users with small droplets of their recently-departed excretions, which although sentimental is generally unwanted.

Craps on campus: The discharge dojo of Dejope

With the buzzing of the lights above combined with the throbbing hum of what is either a heating duct or the pool plumbing systems, the SERF restrooms seem like they belong in a World War II-era submarine.

Aaron Hathaway/The Badger Herald


Traffic: Generally desolate, suffers during 5 p.m. gym rush

Temperature: Warm, moist air due to proximity to pool

Stalls: Two

Cell Service: Adequate, wi-fi available

Graffiti: Some residue from stickers; nothing interesting

Toilet Flush Mechanism: Manual lever

Toilet Paper: Mercilessly thin 1-ply

Sinks: Two, manual faucets

Hand Dryers: Two terrible dryers that are about as effective as having a small dog exhale onto your hands

Overall Rating: 2/5

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