Hump Day: What to do when living in sexile

Living on a deserted island could be worse, potentially

· Nov 28, 2018 Tweet


Tuesdays, universally, are known as prime days to “turn it up.” Since the weekend is only three short days away, many choose to neglect homework and academic pursuits and instead participate in hedonistic activities.

Despite this, many of us still feel backlogged with homework and essays which need to be completed exactly when our roommates decide to copulate — and loudly.

Colloquially known as “sexile,” the term refers to the banishment faced when one is kicked out of their bedroom when their roommate is having sexual fun times, a state which can be hard to live through. Here are some quick tips to make the most of your time while living in sexile:

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Go get some caffeine

The greatest thing about your location is that unless you are literally tied down, it is always movable. Since your roommate is far more likely to be tied or handcuffed in these moments than you, it’s a prime time to leave the premises and study elsewhere.

This means that if you suddenly hear the slapping of the rump coming from your roommate’s bedroom, consider taking your things down to the coffee shop conveniently located two blocks from your apartment (there has to be one somewhere nearby). Not only does this give you a chill place to finish up your assignments, but you’ll also get a nice jolt of caffeine to reinvigorate your born-again virgin ears.

Call up a pal

Nothing is more reflective of true friendship than when a buddy lets you come over to chill and talk when your roommate decides to send half-naked snaps in your shared room. Chances are your friend has also been sexiled at some point in their existence, which makes for an amazing bonding experience. While you might not end up getting your work done, at least there is a possibility you’ll make an amazing new inside joke with your buddy.

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Get some cleaning done

Vacuums make loud noises.

Sometimes, a roommate, when copulating, makes loud noises.

Luckily, the two cancel out, leaving an ambiguous jumble of sound which is less conspicuous than straight-out moans. Taking some time to tidy up the apartment is a great way to distract from the state of sexile. Everyone is behind on organization anyway, so it’s practical as well.

Take a nap

While the “fight or flight” response to a stressor like being sexiled is easily remembered, “freezing” is often overlooked as the third response.

Find the nearest couch and pass out. It combines the noise cancellation benefits of cleaning with ultimate rejuvenation.

Sexile isn’t the best place to be, but since it is only temporary, these solutions are sure to help one bide sexile in peace.


This article was published Nov 28, 2018 at 5:16 pm and last updated Nov 28, 2018 at 5:16 pm


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