Raise your hand if you’re about to graduate. Okay, now raise your hand if you’re scared. And yeah, even a little scared counts.
If you’re a soon-to-be grad, chances are you’ve experienced Sinking Feeling #1: “Wait, it’s over”? But while leaving Madison comes as a relief for some people and a nightmare for others, there’s one thing we can’t deny:
Two weeks from now we won’t be students here anymore, and as much as we come back to visit, or decorate our first “real” apartments with floor-to-ceiling Wisconsin gear, there’s nothing we can do to stop the clock.
Since I’m technically a sex columnist, it seems fitting to tie some of that subject matter into my final article. But this time, I don’t want to pose any hypotheticals, or bombard you with advice or wrap things up by telling you to do whatever makes you happy. Instead, I want to recap the stories that define Madison hookup culture and give some insight into how we can apply our college experiences to our post-college lives. Here goes.
Maybe you’ve hooked up with a complete random. You knew their name and where they were from – and oh yeah, you had a few mutual friends – or maybe you didn’t. Maybe it happened once and you felt weird about it, or maybe it’s something you do frequently and without much thought because that’s just how college seems to work. You’ve thought to yourself, “My parents would disown me if they knew this is what my weekends were like,” yet you’ve still approached people at bars knowing whatever conversation you have is secondary to the fact that you could go home with them. And that’s fine, because let’s face it – you weren’t looking for anything serious at the time.
Maybe you’ve been in a relationship. You’ve found stability in the form of a boyfriend, girlfriend or something less defined. At the beginning, you realized how strange it felt for a person who wasn’t your mom to really, really like you. Whether you’re someone who finds comfort in the unconditional support of a relationship, or even if commitment seriously freaks you out, you still took the leap and did foreign things like go on dates, have weeknight sleepovers and (yikes) hold hands in public. It was rocky at times – it might’ve ended less than ideally – and who knows, maybe you’re still great friends. But no matter how things turned out, it helped you learn a ton about yourself.
Maybe you’ve never been in a relationship. You’re worried about entering real life with less experience than some of your friends. My advice? Never be too hard on yourself. There’s no set age for a first date, a first hookup or a first boyfriend/girlfriend. Honestly, I’m sure plenty of people who’ve been in relationships are less cool, interesting and mature than you. Also, don’t think “it’ll never happen,” because you’re just incorrect. Freshman year, I told my friends I’d never have a boyfriend because I was “too weird.” And while I’m no more normal now than I was back then, I’ve since proven that statement false, so I think it’s safe to say there’s hope for everyone out there.
Or maybe you’ve had a friend with benefits. “We don’t like each other; we just like hooking up,” is what you thought. You tried keeping things casual, but one of you started having those terrifying things experts call “emotions,” and that’s when things got awkward. Maybe you confronted the situation and the two of you didn’t speak for a while, maybe you just kept going with the way things were or maybe you ended your non-relationship right then and there. Whatever the outcome, you probably felt confused at the time, but hopefully you’ve taken something positive away from the situation since then.
We all have ways of describing the people we’ve encountered in college: older, younger, boyfriend, girlfriend, asshole, flake, visitor, kid you ignore on the street, person in your Comm Arts discussion, etc. But while we might label these individuals, it’s safe to say they’ve brought us outside our comfort zones and challenged the people we were four years ago.
Deciding to come to Madison has given all of us more incredible opportunities than we could’ve imagined, be they academic, extracurricular or social. But while sex and relationships might take a backseat to everything this place entails, we can’t forget how strongly they’ve influenced our growth. We’re becoming real people, and that’s honestly exciting.
Oh, and for anyone who’s thinking, “I have no clue what she’s talking about because I’m not graduating, and also, why did she just write ‘maybe’ so many times”? I have just one piece of advice. People tell you to “cherish every moment,” but they forget to tell you what that actually means. According to this girl, it’s all about learning what makes you happy, romantically and otherwise; taking every experience, mishaps and regrets included, as something that brings you closer to the person you’ll eventually become; and most of all, never forgetting how lucky you are to spend four years in the most unbelievable place in the world.
Rachel Dickens is a senior majoring in journalism and communication arts. Questions? Comments? E-mail [email protected]
