Dear Hump Day,

So I met this really attractive boy and we get along really well — he’s super sweet, funny, all that good stuff. So we ended up having sex the other weekend and… first off he wasn’t a great kisser — no tongue! Then the sex was just really boring. I still like him and want to make it work, but how do I get past the fact that he’s no good in bed?

Thanks!

Mundane in Madison

Mundane in Madison,

Really great question – you’ve definitely touched on one of the most frustrating parts of the college experience.

Bad hookups are just as prevalent as good ones — probably more, if you count MadAve – and they’re usually way more entertaining to talk about later on. Although one-night stands come and go, you’re dealing with something entirely different — a guy you actually like. Since horror-story sexcapades have become commonplace on our campus, finding you have a true attraction to someone seems all the more rare.

So even though you found this guy who’s awesome in every non-sexual way, your situation still isn’t favorable. Sure, you can buy into the age-old “first-time jitters” fallacy, but making up excuses will only screw you over in the long run. Bottom line: You’re unhappy. And why should you be? It sounds like you’ve met someone really great, and all you need to bring your sex life full circle is some good ol’ fashioned communication (I’m from Missouri).

So let’s review the basics: Your guy’s boring in bed and, on top of that, you don’t seem to have compatible kissing styles. It sounds pretty daunting when you lay it all out, but trust me, neither of these things are permanent. First off, kissing is a totally learned behavior. For most of us (excluding professional sex workers), Makeout 101 wasn’t a part of our formal education. Although I’m sure many of you remember practicing on your own hands (and in my case, the bathroom mirror), our only legitimate learning has occurred with the help of our partners.

The whole “practice makes perfect” concept definitely applies here. Leading by example is a great way of hinting to your partner that you want to switch things up a little. If you guys continue to hook up, you’ll definitely experience a wider range of emotions than you did in your initial night together, and while everyone has his or her own style, factors like increased passion undoubtedly alter a person’s technique. If you can tell he’s getting turned on, slyly use your tongue to graze his lips mid-makeout. If he responds, don’t be scared to use a little more pressure, and so on.

Something else to remember is that your guy probably doesn’t know you feel this way, and while I usually advocate direct communication, telling him, “You fuck like a paraplegic and I hate it,” would just be bitchy and weird. Thankfully, there are a few things you can do to ensure that your future hookups make even “Cruel Intentions” look like some amateur basement porno.

While your guy will likely imitate your kissing style to a degree, there’s also a chance he’ll miss the cue entirely. If your subtle attempts continue to fail, opt for the positive-reinforcement angle by hinting that tongue is something you really enjoy. By initiating a “What turns you on?” type of conversation, you can easily indicate your desires without directly referencing his shortcomings. Just say, “It’s so sexy when we make out with tongue,” and even if you haven’t actually done it, he’ll be way too busy basking in the compliment to notice.

By the same token, your guy isn’t going to know what turns you on until you clue him in, whether by making some crazy mid-sex animal sounds, or debriefing with him later on. Either way, reinforcing the things he does well (even if he doesn’t do them very often) is absolutely key.

So, like I said before, this really is one of the most common things a person goes through during college — and life, for that matter. If I had a Jin’s sandwich for every time I’ve heard a friend say, “I thought he was so hot… until we hooked up,” I would literally be a contestant on “The Biggest Loser.” What that means, however, is that it’s also completely fixable. Communication and practice, two essential parts of any relationship, will definitely work in your favor here.

Rachel Dickens is a junior majoring in communication arts. Want to see your question answered in a column? Ask the sexperts at [email protected].

Indie flick not your average big screen crude comedic fare

When first hearing the words “hump day,” one would think of a man’s favorite national holiday — one that doesn’t quite exist… yet. However, “Humpday,” directed by Lynn Shelton (“My Effortless Brilliance”), is far from a man’s fantasy. “Humpday” is a movie that questions something unusual: two straight men having sex. Not to make porn, but to make “inspirational art.” “Humpday” proves to be much more than two men just wanting to get down and dirty. Rather the movie focuses on quirky situations and realistic interactions between a wide array of people.

Ben (Mark Duplass, “Hannah Takes the Stairs”) is your typical college grad who has settled down with his loving and understanding wife, Anna (Alycia Delmore, “What the Funny”). In the middle of the night, someone starts pounding on the door to their white-picket fence house — none other than Ben’s old friend from college, Andrew (Joshua Leonard, “The Blair Witch Project”), the Bohemian wild guy. The two haven’t seen each other in quite some time, as reckless Andrew has been traveling and pursuing art projects throughout Mexico.

Soon after Andrew settles in at Ben’s home, Andrew meets some artsy people and invites Ben over to their house to come meet his new friends. When Ben comes over, he is instantly surrounded by hippie-loving, artsy, bisexual freaks (to put it lightly). Although Ben first feels very out of place, he becomes intrigued with the way different people live their lives. Countless beers and many hits of weed later, Ben and Andrew are informed of a porn festival put on every year that aspires to make art out of porn. Somewhat sporadically Ben and Andrew decide how innovative two straight men having sex would be. From there, we are taken on a journey from Ben trying to explain to his wife why he wants to have sex with a man, to Ben and Andrew trying to nakedly “hug it out” before performing the duty.

Although this may sound like a typical raunchy comedy, this indie film really stands up to the crude comedies you run across on big screens. When the characters laugh, you don’t feel like you’re laughing at them, rather with them. Although the idea of two straight men willing to have sex with each other is unlikely to happen, you almost feel this could really happen due to the honesty and realism of this film. Most of the realism is created based on seemingly unrehearsed dialogue and documentary style filming.

“Humpday” includes very typical indie techniques, with unsteady moving filming and low light. The film’s home video quality doesn’t make you nauseous or annoyed, instead creating a feeling of being incorporated into the movie rather than just being an onlooker. Throughout the film you cringe with the characters and feel as if you’re living each moment with them. The characters come across as relatable and the conversations are imaginable due to a more improvised style of acting, compared to big budget films.

In the end, both men question what actually classifies two heterosexual males fucking as “art” and if they really have the balls to go through with it. But the real question isn’t whether the men will complete the act, but why we’ve been watching 90 minutes worth of everyone and their mom debating if the pair of men should go through with it. The entire question the plot is based around becomes quite redundant to the point where the movie would be better off with no answer at all, just ending it halfway through.

Surprisingly enough, the bromance versus romance question throughout the movie is enough to hold your attention and become slightly intrigued in the men’s relationship. If there’s one word to describe the film, it’s authentic. “Humpday” creates a new genre of comedy by creating a film that seems so believable, it’s hard not to be convinced the two men are lifelong college buddies in this terribly complicated and weird situation. This unique film will open your eyes to much more than the guys’ beer bellies and briefs, but the meaning of a true friendship and how far is too far.

3 1/2 stars out of 5.