I have pulled some serious all-nighters in the past, and I’ve witnessed the phenomenon I am about to describe in its truest and purest form only twice during these bouts of intense studying and complaining about the late hour. The hungry and insatiable fiend-eyes of my former roommate are in my top five things that are both terrifying and hilarious (along with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, but that’s a different column): the redness of the whites coupled with the furrowing of the brow, and the bags under the eyes twisting and contorting with the mouth into a crazed smile all combined into a laser-targeting system that could pinpoint the nearest source of caffeine, ginseng and sugar with disturbing accuracy and precision. Shortly after these fiend eyes would make their appearance, the sound of a giant, 15-ounce can of 99-cent Howling Monkey being cracked would follow.
Energy drinks, nearly ubiquitous throughout campus during exam weeks, can simultaneously be considered a savior of grade point averages as well as an unhealthy pariah. Consider the classic: Red Bull. A ritual before the ACT, SAT and especially the University of Wisconsin placement exams involved those silver-and-blue cylinders being thoroughly abused by yours truly. Who doesn’t have a friend or acquaintance who has done the same during intense cram sessions or paper-writing extravaganzas?
As far as quality of energy, duration of primary effects and simple drinkability goes, there is currently a cornucopia of drank besides the old wing-giver that can quell the sleep spell from the most exhausted and sapped of organic chemistry students. Exploring these options is a primary concern for any student who wishes to get the most out of these drinks as possible.
The quality — or at least the qualities — of the human reaction to these drinks is a huge concern for anyone who must stay awake at all costs. This is where drinks like Mountain Dew’s Amp and other soda-based energy drinks like Vault fail to perform properly. Rather than grabbing a handful of focus, you could end up being hyped up and off task for two hours only to be filled with an unblinking desire for sleep. If it tastes like it was meant for an eighth grader, it probably serves a much better recreational purpose. Both Vault and Amp contain a pithy 70 milligrams of caffeine while bursting with 30 and 28 grams of sugar, respectively. While most energy drinks with sugar contain similar amounts, the ratio of caffeine to sugar is too low to compete with the likes of Monster, Sobe and Glaceau (Vitamin Water), which have taurine and B-vitamin bundles that supplement the caffeine and boost your brain power.
The length of time an energy drink lasts is just as important as how effectively it can help you perform. With a 2500 milligram “energy mix” of taurine, ginseng, caffeine (via guarana) and B-vitamins, Monster drinks step up the excessiveness in a big way.
Taurine and B-vitamins, the keys to the basement in the house that Red Bull built, are a little more sinister than one might imagine. In fact, there are a lot of dark secrets surrounding these seemingly magic ingredients put into almost every single energy drink. For one thing, taurine was first separated from the bile and semen of red bulls (Etymology! Hooray! Gross!), and is now synthetically produced for mass consumption. Many pet foods contain taurine, and it is a compound considered critical in child development. Taurine, though, is not necessarily a supplement and is definitely not a stimulant. However, it has been shown to improve focus and support bodily functions. Mostly, though, taurine is added to curb the anxiety experienced after consuming a massive dose of caffeine.
B-vitamins are touted, even by the ever shit-talking five-hour Energy Drink advertisements, as an effective way to stimulate mind and body, but they are also less than what they appear. Yes, the vitamins do indeed create an energized feeling — but at a cost. The high volume fluid vector coupled with the anti-diuretic inhibiting nature of caffeine causes a necessitation of multiple bathroom breaks and, by extension, a whole lot of B-vitamins going literally down the toilet.
Moderation is essential. Drinking slowly and with some concept of pacing is highly encouraged not only because the energy supplements will release and metabolize in the body at a staggered rate, but also because of the high sugar content of most of those drinks. Even for the sugar-free variety, putting the entire thing into your stomach in 15 minutes is going to result in a less efficient use of the stimulants and most likely a tummy ache. For this, let’s use an analogy: In a night of average binge drinking, a person may consume seven drinks. We all have witnessed the horrible nonsense that occurs when someone drinks this amount in under an hour. On the other hand, most people that do the same in three or four hours will have a great night of relative belligerence and some measure of composure. Energy drinks are just a different coin of the same currency.
Besides the fact they really aren’t delivering all that is promised, the expensive concoctions that are perhaps too heavily relied on can have a number of adverse effects, especially after prolonged use. While small doses of caffeine can affect non-addicts in positive and desirable ways, those dependent on caffeine can experience lethargy and sleepiness upon waking from a six- to 10-hour bout of involuntary cold turkey. Tolerance can build quickly for regular coffee drinkers, which can lead to higher consumption and may result in anxiety and nervousness. Drinking more than a cup of coffee a day (about 100 milligrams) can lead to caffeine withdrawal with symptoms ranging from fatigue and difficulty concentrating to depression and irritability. These are merely possible outcomes of a notably common occurrence.
The fact is, though, that college students typically lead a pretty unhealthy lifestyle as it goes. All the drinking and smoking, the eating of greasy foods (and vomiting of greasy foods) and binge-studying cram sessions can contribute to a way of living that is downright bad for you. As long as the idea that these tall-boy cans are unhealthy is recognized, students and busy professionals alike can determine for themselves what responsible consumption means to them. Witnessing the power these beverages have influenced over people in the depths of an Adderall binge or during the closing sunrise of an all-nighter leads me to see them more as a questionable yet necessary evil than an exercise of extravagance.
Alex Truong is a junior. E-mail your questions and comments to [email protected]
