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The Badger Herald

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The Badger Herald

Independent Student Newspaper Since 1969

The Badger Herald

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Stop, or Brendan Fraser will shoot!

The crossover — it happens all the time. Rappers trying to act, athletes trying to make music, Garth Brooks trying to play baseball … and regular actors trying to make action movies. It seems that in this day and age, no one is content to stick to what has made them successful. Before we delve into this topic, we should acknowledge the astute action mind of loyal reader Justin Ugent, who e-mailed us with the idea for this particular column. Mr. Ugent writes, “You guys should write a feature on all the regular actors who tried to make the jump to being an action star but couldn’t quite cut it. Right away I think of Jason Stathom. He was great in ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ and ‘Snatch,’ but I am kind of undecided as to whether or not I liked him in ‘The Transporter.'”

Well done, Justin. Now, let’s discuss. Should normal actors try their hand at action?

Joe:

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All things happen for a reason, my friends. There is a reason Dolph Lundgren has never appeared on Broadway. Likewise, there is a reason Steven Seagal was not cast opposite Mandy Moore in “A Walk to Remember.” They are action stars. They kick butt. That is what they do, plain and simple. Jean-Claude Van Damme has no business being a serious actor, thus serious actors have no business trying to be Jean-Claude Van Damme. It’s just common sense. Besides, how can they be as ass-kickingly awesome as a true action star?

To prove my point, I’d like to share a little story with y’all. Knowing my affection for what some would label “bad” action movies, my roommate Steve gave me a Wal-Mart discount bin DVD entitled “RPM” as a gag Christmas gift. At first I thought to myself, “Oh, what a nice gesture.” However, I think he must have been secretly mad at me for not spraying the bathroom with Lysol after using it or something to that regard because, just like a freshly-used men’s room, this movie stunk. Honestly, there was so much stank emulating from this DVD I put a clothespin over my nose. You see, “RPM” stars David Arquette as a car thief. Yes, that’s right, David Arquette. I’d provide a plot summary, but there was no plot. Ron Jeremy would have turned down a role in “RPM” due to the absolute lack of plot. It was probably the most confusing and horrible movie I have ever seen. Please, non-action stars, I beg of you: Stick to what you’re good at (Mr. Arquette, I’m not really sure what that is, maybe screaming like a jackass).

Derek:

The crossover can sometimes be successful. One particular example sticks out and that is Matt Damon starring in the “Bourne” series. Yes, this is the same Matt Damon who starred in such flicks as “Jersey Girl,” “All the Pretty Horses,” “Stuck On You,” and lent his voice to “Titan A.E.” He’s no Jean Claude Van Damme and he’s definitely not a Chuck Norris or Lou Diamond Phillips. What sets apart Damon from his dis-counterparts is the believability of his action. Bourne utilizes actual secret operative techniques and snaps necks with moves that would actually work in real life. Unlike Seagal or Lundgren, Damon doesn’t need computers to make his action believable.

The climax of “The Bourne Supremacy” finds Damon involved in one of the greatest car chases in movie history and it doesn’t involve the action star riding freestyle on top of a motorcycle at 80 miles per hour strapped with shotguns. There is an air of believability and suspense to the “Bourne” series that you can’t find in an “On Deadly Ground” or “Hard Target.” It’s precisely this unique aspect, coupled with Damon’s exceptional acting abilities, that makes Damon and the “Bourne” series an enigma in the crossover phenomena.

Joe:

Who are you and what have you done with the real Derek Montgomery? Seriously, you leave town for a weekend to photograph the Big Ten basketball tourney and you come back singing the praises of Matt Damon the action star? I mean, I figured there was something in the Chicago water that made all those Cubs fans so insane, but come on. Matt Damon? And this coming from the guy who has time and time again lauded Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme for never deviating from the path of action.

Matt Damon’s not tough. While Seagal and Van Damme were kicking butt in “Under Siege” and “Hard Target,” Damon was playing patty cake with Ben Affleck. He’s nothing more than an action imposter. Oh, I’d hate to meet Matt Damon in a dark alley; he was in “The Legend of Bagger Vance!” Shall we also confer badass status upon Brendan Fraser? Please.

Derek:

Brendan Fraser tries to break into the action adventure realm. This is very different from the realm dominated by such legends as JCVD and Seagal. I am not putting Damon on the same pedestal as, say, Dolph Lundgren. Damon could probably act on Broadway and that would make him weak, that much is true. There’s a reason Matthew Broderick will never have a prominent role in flicks like “Masters of the Universe” or “Under Siege.” Damon is an exceptional actor, a sophisticated Van Damme or Schwarzenegger with true acting ability. What Damon offers to the action realm is sophistication and believability. Imagine Lou Diamond Phillips as Fred Astaire.

Let’s examine what the people want. “The Bourne Supremacy” ranks in the top-100 grossing films of all-time while “The Bourne Identity” sits at 206. Together the two films have grossed over $300 million and a third movie called “The Bourne Ultimatum,” due out in 2007, aims to push the “Bourne Series” close to half a billion dollars. Nowhere on the list is “Under Siege” or “Hard Target.” Yes, “Jumanji” and “Men in Black 2” find there way well ahead of any Van Damme or Seagal flick. Yes, those were different time periods, but flicks from the late 1970s like “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” rank far ahead of any Seagal flick. Even 1988’s “Twins” ranks ahead of any Seagal or JCVD flick, ughh.

The people have spoken and Matt Damon strictly relegated to the “Bourne” series can be deemed a legitimate action figure. Outside the “Bourne” series he is as weak as Brendan Fraser in “Monkeybone.”

The Last Action Heroes want to hear from you!!! Contact them by e-mail at [email protected]. Check back next week for the long-awaited debut of Guest Last Action Hero Eric Bert!

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