For the last 15-plus years, Steven Seagal has done what Arnold, Bruce Willis and apparently Vin Diesel could not: stay true to the action genre and churn out nothing but action movies. However, it is impossible not to notice how age and gravity have taken their toll on Mr. Seagal over his illustrious career. This raises an interesting question. What happened to the great Steven Seagal? Sounds like a job for the Last Action Heroes!

Joe:

It’s sad to see a legend fade into mediocrity. Johnny Unitas in a Chargers uniform, Willie Mays playing with the Mets, Joe Namath finishing up his career with the Rams … and old, fat Steven Seagal making bad movies that don’t even play in theaters. As an avid Seagal fan, this is a tough realization to come to. So hold on for a second and let me gather myself … okay, here goes: Seagal is not what he once was.

In his prime, Seagal was a lean, mean fighting machine. Not only did he have his patented aikido chokes and wrist locks, but he had quickness and agility to match. With his signature greased-up ponytail, he quickly became a superstar after the 1988 release of “Above the Law.” From there, the gems just kept coming. “Hard to Kill,” “Marked for Death,” “Out for Justice,” “Under Siege” and “On Deadly Ground.” That is an action run of epic proportions that will never again be duplicated. Simply put, young and skinny Seagal was the man.

Now he’s just an out of shape old man, making bad action movies. The plotlines in clunkers like “Belly of the Beast” and “Out for a Kill” make the last two “Matrix” movies seem logical. And clearly, when an action star has more chins than limbs, the fight scenes are going to be somewhat lacking. About the only thing Seagal appears to be fighting these days is high blood pressure and the drive through line at McDonald’s. Perhaps he should spend less time recording music and more time in the gym.

Derek:

One night while sifting through Yahoo! photos, I came across a picture of Jean-Claude Van Damme at a recent awards ceremony. The man was cut, clean and looking better than he did when he filmed “Bloodsport.” Then I went home and turned on the television and saw old puffed-out Seagal inadvertently kicking the crap out of a number of street toughs in a Mountain Dew commercial. Too slow from his massive weight gain, the once great legend was relegated to accidental knockouts and beatdowns — a realm once reserved for Looney Tunes characters and the Teen Girl Squad.

So what if Seagal is nine years older than Van Damme? Schwarzenegger is four years older than Seagal and is infinitely more cut. Looking back on the many action flicks Seagal made, he was never the actor privileged to run through a flaming inferno or beatdown some villains with his shirt off. Fact of the matter is the man was never physically chiseled, which is one of primary reasons that Seagal is not the complete action hero. He is a legend, but Van Damme brings the goods, intelligence and physique to be the Babe Ruth of action movies and TBS Superstation.

Joe:

The great Seagal’s downfall may have begun with the 1998 filming of “The Patriot,” in which he portrays an herbalist doctor trying to find a cure for a terrifying virus. Okay, I think this goes without saying, but no one — and I mean NO ONE — pops in a Seagal film to watch him practice medicine. That’s like turning on “Touched by an Angel” to check out the babes.

From that point on, the greatest action hero of all time failed to live up to his own legendary standards. As much as I hate to say it, Seagal’s newer works simply aren’t that good. Two summers ago, the USA network repeatedly teased me by promoting the debut of “The Foreigner.” For over a week, I eagerly anticipated watching the pony-tailed warrior do what he does best: kick butt. Alas, my excitement would be quickly transformed into disappointment once I actually sat down and watched the movie. It just was not in the same league as classics like “On Deadly Ground,” “Out for Justice” and “Under Siege.” Fat Seagal just does not measure up to his younger self.

Derek:

Simply put, action fans can not turn to Seagal any longer for the beatdowns and neck snapping that he once provided so easily himself or with computers. Mr. Ziemer would have you believe his fall started in 1998 with “The Patriot.” He is sorely wrong.

The downfall occurred when Hollywood carried out and Seagal agreed to the worst decision in action movie history outside Schwarzenegger’s filming of “Twins.” Like Superman before him, Seagal was killed during the 1996 action flick “Executive Decision.”

Seagal continued to plunge the knife deeper into the back of action fans when he announced that one of his Buddhist teachers declared Seagal a reincarnation of a Buddhist Iama. What action fans truly need is a reincarnation of “Under Siege” Seagal. And what action star binds himself to a religion where non-violence is a major feature? Violence is a lifestyle for true action stars like The Rock and Van Damme. JCVD has won many international kickboxing and fighting championships while everyone knows the exploits of The Rock during the 1990s. Seagal has never been the complete package and his recent deterioration from computer-enabled and competent action hero into a Buddhist Mountain Dew spokesman have left action fans wondering if they got a raw deal.

Derek and Joe:

On the topic of classic Seagal movies, it gives us great pleasure to announce Eric Bert as the winner of the guest Last Action Hero contest. Mr. Bert has proven himself to be a true action aficionado and will join us in a review of “On Deadly Ground,” starring the one and only Steven Seagal. This was by no means an easy decision to make. After reviewing many action-packed entries from many qualified applicants, we determined Eric was the man for the job. When he walked out of a movie theater after seeing Steven Seagal die in “Executive Decision,” Eric proved himself to be a true action fanatic. So congratulations, Eric. We look forward to working with you. Thanks to all who entered.

The Last Action Heroes want to hear from you!!! If you’d like to weigh in on the career of Steve Seagal or any other action issue, contact Derek and Joe by e-mail at [email protected]. Your question or comment could be featured in an upcoming column.