Seagal, Van Damme, Lundgren, Norris. For decades names like these have dominated the world of action movies. But, mighty warriors as they are, they cannot carry the torch forever. Someday, the grease-coated black hair in Steven Seagal’s ponytail will fade to gray, and with it, the end of an action era. So who will be there to answer the call as the new leaders of the genre? The Last Action Heroes have pinned their hopes on the emergence of two talents: Vin Diesel and The Rock. Who is the better choice to anoint as action’s best hope? Let’s discuss.
Joe:
First of all, Vin Diesel is a much cooler name than The Rock. Sorry, Duane Johnson, that’s an inanimate object, not a name. Vin’s got the name and the look that makes him the premier action star of our generation and the best hope for the future. Standing 6-foot-1 with an Adonis-like physique and a shaved head, Diesel looks the part of a butt-kicking badass and from what I’m told, the ladies think he’s quite a handsome fella.
Then comes the attribute that sets him apart from all the rest: a voice that would make even Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger wet his britches in the middle of the night. No one, not even the great ones can deliver a cheesy one-liner like Diesel. Vin’s vocal skills are on full display in “xXx,” the greatest action movie of the past five years. It is in this must-see that Diesel spits gems like “the things I’m gonna do for my country …” and “I live for this sh-t!”
Derek:
Mr. Ziemer would like avid readers of this column to believe the last hope for action movies is Vin Diesel. V.D. was inspired to act after reading Rich Schmidt’s “Feature Films at Used Car Prices.” True action stars do not need books about used cars to motivate them to jump in front of a camera and kick some ass. True action stars are inspired by the mayhem and chaos they create when thrown in front of the silver screen. The next true action star is The Rock.
The Rock grew up in Hayward, Calif., and immediately began an epic career of ass-kicking. Kids in his neighborhood would run the other away when they saw him. The Rock might be the only second grader to ever demand and receive back seat privileges on the bus ride to school. In high school, “The People’s Champion” excelled on the football field to the point where he received a full scholarship to the University of Miami.
You see, while the Rock was cleaning up on the playing field, Vin Diesel was tucked away in dark rooms playing Dungeons and Dragons and hoping the Orcan King would show mercy against his Red Dragon of Doom. Twenty-sided dice and character sheets mean nothing to the Rock. Pure domination and an undying allegiance to the people are what matters most to “The Brahma Bull.”
The Rock is also a budding star. Vinny Diesel is five years older than the Rock, but somehow the Rock has produced five times as many films. That says one thing: The Rock is in demand. In 2004, Revolution Studios wanted V.D. for the title role in “Hellboy,” but the director passed and wanted Ron Perlman instead. Perlman, who starred in such flicks as “Looney Tunes: Back in Action,” “Adventures of Huck Finn” and “Titan A.E.” beat out the next great hope for action movies. Perlman also has four times as many cameos and guest appearances as V.D. does total films. And this is supposed to be the next great action hero? Please.
Joe:
When it comes to taking out the trash, Vin is in a league of his own. Whether it’s a high-speed chase in “The Fast and the Furious” or beating a man to death with his bare hands in “A Man Apart,” Diesel gets the job done. He is a versatile action star, having established his dominance in both breeds of action movie: the car chase and the shoot ’em up.
After beginning his Hollywood career in “Saving Private Ryan,” Diesel has used his brawn to make a seamless transition to the action genre. After burning rubber in “The Fast and the Furious,” he became the new breed of secret agent as Xander Cage in “xXx.” Diesel’s latest traditional action role came in “A Man Apart.” He’s also developed a cult following by portraying Riddick in “Pitch Black” and “The Chronicles of Riddick,” making him an action triple-threat when sci-fi action hero is added to his resume.
Derek:
Vin definitely has some great one-liners to his credit, but the problem with each one is that he sounds as if he is reading from a cue card and is forgetting his lines all the time. The persistent monotone voice lacks emotion and the chill one gets when staring down an action legend face to face.
The Rock wins the versatility contest hands down. Years on the football field followed by an unmatched career in the WWF have made the Rock a hardened action badass. The Rock has also crossed action movie breeds to the sci-fi action flick. One of the greatest scenes in action movie history occurred in “The Scorpion King” when Mathayus (played by the Rock) is struck in the back by an arrow. Out of arrows and out of time, Mathayus reaches back and pulls the arrow from his back and shoots it at a bad guy hitting him between the eyes. The first man to ever kick out of the “Stone Cold Stunner” at Wrestlemania XV shows he can kick some ass in this world or the next. You had better watch your Red Dragon of Doom Vin.
Joe:
I’ll give The Rock his dues. He’s big, he’s jacked and he has some natural charisma on the big screen … but there in lies one big problem for an aspiring action star. How dare he disgrace the illustrious tradition of Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme by having the audacity to actually attempt to act? Who the heck does he think he is, Liam freakin’ Neeson?
Derek:
Vinny D hails from a long line of actors whose names include Kurt Russel, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise. Vinny once left the action genre to lend his voice to a children’s movie, particularly “Iron Giant.” The reason the likes of Bruce, Kurt and maybe Arnold will never achieve action stardom is because they have strayed from the action track. We cannot stress this point enough. Action legends do not stray from the action path. Look at the filmologies of Jean-Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal and you will see action perfection. Those who stray are action divas, not dignitaries.
Joe:
Yes, Mr. Diesel may have lent his unmistakable voice to the title character in “Iron Giant.” Certainly not the toughest role in Hollywood, I’ll admit. But at least he didn’t dare show his face in such a Rick Moranis-esque role.
Now, the Rock on the other hand, has committed a nearly unforgivable cinematic sin: He appeared in the same movie as Brendan Fraiser … without killing him. When Duane decided he was too cool for school in the WWE, he made the jump to Hollywood. He was so desperate to become a big star like Vin that he signed up for “The Mummy Returns,” which starred the obnoxious Fraiser. Yes, he of “George of the Jungle,” “Dudley Do-Right” and the Walmart discount DVD bin mainstay “Bedazzled” fame. A true action start would never share top billing with Brendan Fraiser. He would beat his ass like he owed him money. Vin would have taken one look at the clown, growled a threatening one-liner and knocked him back into the pre-production of “Monkeybone.”
Derek:
The Rock is simply the clear choice in the battle for next action legend. The Rock is younger and has already proved successful across multiple action breeds. “The People’s Champion” spent his youth kicking ass on the football field and in the wrestling ring instead of rolling 20-sided dice and working late into the night on Dungeons and Dragons character sheets. When the Rock speaks people instantly know what’s cooking. The Rock jumped into action movies because he could kick some serious ass and not because he found motivation in a “used car” book. Most importantly, the Rock has proved successful in low-budget action movies and has continued to climb the action ladder while V.D. talks with as much emotion as Ben Stein in films that cost five times as much. The Rock delivers new-age ass kicking ability while harking back to the heyday of the low-budget action thriller. Modernity and nostalgia defines the Rock.
In five years we will be able to successfully look back and say, “The Rock took V.D. down Know Your Role Boulevard which is on the corner of Jabroni Drive and checked the has-been directly into Smackdown Hotel!”
