I have a very pressing matter to discuss: infidelity. Why does this happen? The answer is complicated but the result is not. Distrust and hurt will follow, ending most of these relationships, and few will be strong enough to survive. The reasons for this infidelity are varied but important to understand.
It is devastating and very hurtful when one or both partners cheat. What compels a levelheaded person in love to cheat is not something that can be blamed on revenge or drinking too much. This is a problem that goes much farther than that. They cheat because they feel they can and/or deserve to cheat. It has often been said that people cheat because there is something wrong with the relationship. Even if true, this does not give a partner free reign to act on impulse. Selfishness, self-esteem and ego are facets of our personalities that allow the cheating heart to bleed.
Selfishness is often the first thing that compels a person to cheat. "I'm not getting enough from my girlfriend, but this hot girl will f-ck," or "my boy isn't giving me enough attention, so this guy that likes me will do." Yes, all these are generic; lame excuses for your own selfish desires. Instead of blaming your other half, start by taking a look at yourself. Question why you still demand respect from your partner but think you deserve to sleep with someone else. Most likely what is happening comes from a lack of communication in your relationship. If you feel sexually deprived or feel starved of attention, communicate these feelings openly. You'll be surprised at how far a little honestly can get you.
Both men and women have problems with self-esteem. To foster a healthy, monogamous relationship, supporting one another is essential, both verbally and through actions. Some men forget the value of their girlfriends, which can cause some ladies to feel they are being taken for granted. Now listen up guys, this is the most dangerous territory you can get into. Women are more apt to cheat when they feel the attention and gratitude they show you is not being reciprocated. If you want a blowjob, finger up your ass or whatever you like, don't forget that she needs to feel desired and wanted by you to give so much of her. It is not enough to think that giving equals receiving. Even for the toughest of us, our self-esteem is affected when our generosity is not rewarded.
Ladies, this goes for you too. Those times he fixed your broken toilet or hung a picture (although crooked) are real genuine signs he adores you. Those simple gestures symbolize you are someone that he appreciates and needs. Women like to receive compliments but forget that he needs his ego pumped up every once and awhile. This problem of self-esteem is a larger problem for guys that are unsure of themselves in the bedroom. Potentially, this leads them to explore other women to reassure themselves that they are doing the "right thing" for you. Sounds twisted, doesn't it? By exploring other women, he could be developing his "skillz" to bring back to you. Convoluted logic, yes, but self-esteem issues are very seldom logical.
The most deplored excuse for cheating is simply ego. An exaggerated sense of self-importance is the number one reason that anyone, man or woman cheats. "I can, so I will," is a great thing to keep in mind with your education, career, whatever, but not when it comes to jumping the bartender. Men seem to admit to the ego theory more so than women. Why this is might be explained by the misconception that women cheat out of passion, love and all that other nonsense. I have often heard men talking about how women cheated because they liked the guy. Please. It's got nothing to do with him. It's all about her bloated ego. Women love to hear compliments and, hell, we like a good piece of ass just as much as the next guy. So, it's her ego as well as his that's getting us into bed with someone other than our partner. We must move past this and respect one another. You do not have anymore of an entitlement than your partner does.
Although lame and immature, strangely there can be some good to come from a small indiscretion. Don't be so shocked. When you do something minor, i.e. concealing a phone call, kissing, even a one-time hook-up, reality can really hit home. This may mean the end of what you thought was a good relationship. It could also hit you that you really do love your partner. The best thing to come from a minor indiscretion can be the strength of the relationship after the pain has healed and trust rebuilt. "You never know what you've lost until you've lost it," is a hard lesson to learn, but then again the best things in life can come in the ugliest of packages.
You can define cheating as sleeping with someone else, kissing or simply flirting too much. This is a definition that only the couple can make and is an especially important ground rules to communicate. Cheating does happen even in the happiest of relationships. The couple in question must put aside their own selfish wants and bloated egos, re-open communication and build trust.
In the end, even if the two of you don't end up in the suburbs with a white picket fence and dog named "Sparky," the best you can ask for is that you learned from the mistakes that you made. Expressing fears, wants and desires in clear and open communication is the only true safeguard against the cheating heart. So for the mean time, appreciate your girls' generously, and we ladies will look at our crooked picture frame adoringly.
