I have a secret to share. I have an intense desire to know how many people everyone has had sex with. I am talking about friends, professors and the nerdy guy checking out my library books. There are times I catch myself daydreaming that everyone walks around with a post-it note stuck to his or her forehead broadcasting his or her number. Now this is not information that I think anyone has the right to know about besides yourself, but I do really find it fascinating. There is also the consideration that then I would have to wear that number on my forehead, which is out of the question.

Your sexual history is just about the most personal bit of information that you have. There in that numerical fact lays, no pun intended, your conquests, morals and exposure to infection. Many of you will have a number or two that you wish did not happen and will forever blame those last couple jagerbombs on.

What happens then when someone asks you “How many people have you been with?” This is a horrible and dreaded question that as much as one wants to know, should never be asked. This is always going to hurt and never help in a relationship. Plus, your friends are always going to think the number you say is bullsh-t.

So here is the dilemma. In a new relationship of a month or so, that special person asks sheepishly the dreaded question. There are three options in which you can answer: tell the truth, which rarely ever happens, lie or artfully avoid answering.

You may think that simply telling the truth would be easy and the right thing to do. Well you are wrong. As women, if we say a number higher than our boyfriends he will feel inferior and always be questioning our morals, even if that number would be okay for him. As a man, the old double standard still remains. I do not think that I am overstating when I say most men feel on some level that they need to be experienced in the bedroom to be a real man. They’re flexing a muscle of a different kind. Telling the truth is a great thing if both of you are comfortable hearing anything, but then be prepared for anything.

Now I am not suggesting you lie when asked the dreaded question, but you may want to take into account a few things. When people do lie about sexual partners the ‘rule of three’ is subconsciously used in coming up with that magical answer. There is a comical, but relatively accurate truth to the ‘the rule of three.’ It divides the sexes and creates distrust between couples. The rule states that women either subtract or divide the real number of people they have slept with by three. Men, on the other hand, tend to overestimate this figure by either adding or multiplying by three.

Survey after survey addressing the number of sexual partners a person has had have found interesting results. One such survey, the University of Chicago study, found that women on average slept with five men (absurd) and men slept with 17 women in their lifetimes. Clearly this cannot be the case, unless we have a few extremely slutty ladies running around. Along with ‘the rule of three’ I have a theory that could account for the large difference. Women can easily disregard certain scandalous behavior, like say the bartender on that cruise a few years back or randomly hooking up with your best guy friend and never speaking of it again. With men it is very different. Every sexual encounter from the first sight of a naked breast to every panty they have anxiously ripped off becomes a part of their black book. Anything and everything sexual is counted in their number and is much too valuable to disregard.

If you share my views then you may want to take my advice and artfully avoid the question and save what could be a very hurtful argument. When your significant other wants to know your number, ask why it is important to them. Most likely they will say something like “I want to make sure that you used protection and I’m not going to be at risk of getting an infection.” If they want to know if you’re a slut and slept with half of Madison, well then maybe that is not the person you are supposed to be with. Once you are at the point in a relationship that you care for them and you are sleeping with them you should also know their character and morals. Knowing a number will not substitute for real trust. The number of notches in your bedpost is not the most important thing you should be questioning. Rather, ask your partner if safe sex is important to them and make sure that they know your feelings on protection.