Grade: B/C
If there were an EMS squad dedicated solely to reviving a genre desperately in need of life, it would have to spend the next year and a half just getting a pulse out of horror. While the country and much of the world was saturated in trendy Wes Craven/”Dawson’s Creek” hybrids featuring cool quotes, a cool cast and cool tunes, people like Lloyd Kaufman and Hershel Gordon Lewis were specializing in bloody and intestinal celluloid.
Obviously, there are a few important fans of these two out there — including the dread-locked horror fanatic Rob Zombie. Making a horror film to satisfy the diehard horror fans, it took more than two years to get a distributor to have the huevos to distribute a movie that boasted more bodies than a Vivid orgy.
“House of 1,000 Corpses” had a lot of anticipation surrounding its release among the horror community. People who are “in the know” were excited to see one of their own having a crack at making horror the way Dario Argento and Lewis did — fast and scary.
Zombie came at the world with a valiant effort that is worth the initial look but will have some viewers leaving the theater at least disappointed, if not ready to give Zombie a few lessons in filmmaking.
Cut to a group of four traveling around preparing to write a book about roadside attractions. While the irresponsible Jerry (Chris Hardwick, “MTV’s Singled Out”) absent-mindedly puts only a few dollars of gas in the tank, his partner Karl (Chad Bannon, “Six Feet Under”) thankfully finds a place to stop off.
Walking into Captain Spaulding’s Fried Chicken and Gasoline, they take a spin on the horror ride and learn the tale of Dr. Satan. This creatively titled cat was a bad boy in medical school, experimenting with various people in torture techniques until he suddenly disappeared. The group decides to go looking for his grave, and you can fill in the blanks from there.
What’s wrong with this film (and there are things wrong with this film) is the fact that the characters are completely misued. While the audience loves to watch the maniacal Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig “Foxy Brown”) as he spews his Texas accent, we are instead forced to watch a foursome of uninteresting innocents getting tormented.
The number of crazies these people stumble onto is amazing, but they get very little storyline for the 88-minute park ride. More focus on these eccentrics would have given the film a tougher edge.
Zombie has stumbled onto something, though, and that is that very little can scare an audience anymore. Instead, Zombie takes a different route and tries instead to disturb the crowd with visuals of the eye-opened dead. The blood and gore are pretty formidable compared to other fare, and from the looks of “House,” Zombie seems to have learned a few tricks.
Hopefully, he’ll also learn from his mistakes and make another film that will probably scare the crap out of everyone and make him some more money. For now, stick with “House,” but get ready to be disturbed and frustrated as the same time.
