It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas …

Or so sang the runners dressed in Santa hats as they jogged down State Street last night. Actually, that is not true — they were singing a jingle about Santa that I must have missed in my younger years. But in the weird labyrinth of my brain, this classic carol was substituted.

… everywhere you go …

But that’s the problem. There has not been a flake to be seen, except for the ones I thought I saw last Friday night. But let’s just say I don’t trust myself on that one.

… take a look at the 5 and 10 …

Now I don’t have much to say about the 5 and 10 ? I’m still scarred from my parents limiting my allowance by regaling me with stories of five-cent candy bars, presumably the 5 in 5 and 10. Maybe the 10 was a hot dog. I honestly don’t know (and that’s probably the last time I’ll say that in my columns).

… glistening once again, with candy canes and silver lanes aglow …

Speaking of glistening and aglow, where are the multicolored lights on the Capitol? Last year, those lights cheered my Friday evenings as I drudged down East Wash on my way home from work. I must admit the first night I saw them I drove around the Capitol so I could figure out what color I liked best. I also have no comment on barely missed pedestrians on the Capitol loop.

… It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, toys in ev’ry store …

The absolute worst commercial on TV has got to be the Sears spot for “Quarterback Pass Attack.” I won’t bore those who have no idea what I’m talking about, but for those that have seen the commercial, I’m sure you’ll agree that if this toy is under the tree, in the return line is me.

… but the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door …

Let me tell you, there are some pretty sights I would like to see this Christmas, and they have nothing to do with holly. Now, mistletoe on the doorjamb is moving in the right direction …

… A pair of Hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots is the wish of Barney and Ben …

No, it’s not.

… Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk is the hope of Janice and Jen …

I can’t speak for Janice and Jen, but I would be way more interested in a walking and talking doll than in Hopalong boots and a pistol. Actually, I am thinking more along the lines of Sony’s new robot dog. True, it is difficult to imagine a bigger waste of money, but I hardly went to the Sony store on Michigan Ave. to find bargains.

… and Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again …

And that is why, for me, it feels a lot like Christmas. There comes that point every semester where classes should have ended two weeks ago. That point passed sometime in October. What does this have to do with the wishes of Mom and Dad? Nothing.

… It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, ev’rywhere you go; there’s a tree in the Grand Hotel …

The worst part of living in the dorms was that until you went home on the twenty-third, you did not get a taste of Christmas. So once I got an apartment, the day after Thanksgiving I marched to Wal-Mart, bought a tree, ornaments, and climbed — and crashed — the shelves searching for a white star in order to get a taste of Christmas in my living room. Ever since, I have relished walking home after a rough day and seeing the tree glowing in the window.

… one in the park as well, the sturdy kind that doesn’t mind the snow …

While we may not have Capitol lights, we do have lights on State Street, and I could not be happier. I also appreciated the efforts of the Madison Street Division last year, as the lights stayed on the trees for months after Christmas. For once I saw the benefit of government “efficiency.”

… It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas; soon the bells will start …

What is the point of having a bell tower on Bascom Hill if it is rung once a month? A noon medley would be an excellent addition to my 12:05 lecture.

… and the thing that will make them ring, is the carol that you sing right within your heart.

I have yet to see the evidence on bells ringing, but now you can all vouch that carols in the heart get columns written.

Merry Christmas!

Benjamin Thompson ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in political science. His gift to the UW-Madison community is not writing about Horowitz.