This weekend I set one simple goal for myself: to find a dress for my sorority’s formal next weekend. I knew even before I set out that this quest would challenge my mental and physical limits, and my expectations were not proven wrong.
After over an hour of combing through the various shops, my hands remained bare. On the verge of tears, I miserably concluded that stores simply do not care about making clothes for short, curvy women. The petite sections were a joke, only offering matronly clothes, out-of-date fashions and sizes that only about 10 percent of the population would wear.
My insecurity mounted with every minute that passed in my thus far unsuccessful search. I was too short, too fat, too busty, too disproportioned, too everything. On the brink of defeat, I found my salvation. It stood out from the rest of the rack with its beauty and sophistication, and when I tried it on, it actually fit.
Well, I overcame the challenge this weekend, but when it comes to my body image, every day poses a unique challenge to my self-esteem. And I know that I am not alone in my never-ending desire for physical perfection and my continuous struggle to appreciate my body with all of its imperfections and flaws.
I consider myself lucky in many ways when it comes to the formation of my identity and my perception of self. My father, a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders, helped instill in me an appreciation for the importance of physical and mental health, not just physical appearances. My mother, an excellent and knowledgeable cook, provided me with tasty and nutritious food that helped me grow and develop into a healthy young woman.
Without such guides in my life, I often wonder if I would have succumbed to an eating disorder at some point in my adolescence.
For example, I recall that when I was in sixth grade I grabbed a hold of a chunk of my thigh and told my dad to observe how fat I was. As not only a parent but also as a doctor, my father correctly informed that what I was pinching between my fingers was not fat but muscle. I protested that even if it were muscle I did not like it, and that all the pretty girls had nice thin legs unlike the muscular legs I had developed from playing soccer.
These pre-teen insecurities marked only the beginning of what could be a life-long dissatisfaction with my body and a perpetual desire to be thin. Whether I like it or not, I am stuck in a society which values thin over any other body type. I live in a society which implicitly approves of girls as young as eleven dieting to stay thin.
However, my upbringing continues to help me keep perspective on my body image. I learned from my father that beauty is an incredibly relative term.
Different cultures and different ages hold truly diverse standards of beauty. Just as much as today’s angular supermodels represent our society’s ideal, the curvaceous Venus de Milo represented an entirely different ideal of feminine beauty centuries ago.
And I also learned to recognize that standards of beauty do not simply apply to women. Today, men increasingly feel the pressure to appear lean and muscular. While they may not obsess about their bodies to the degree that some females do, I can personally recall the lamentations of several young men about their physical appearance.
I also consider myself lucky because before my tumultuous teenage years, I learned about the devastating physical and mental consequences of an obsession with one’s body. Both of my parents, who at one time led an eating-disorders support group, made me acutely aware that when body image starts to take over one’s life, serious problems such as eating disorders may ensue. Countless slides of emaciated women and numerous stories about nameless patients intentionally withering away from starvation have been etched permanently in my memory.
Yet with all of the weapons my parents gave me to battle the cultural pressures, I still have doubts and insecurities at times. And so ultimately I make a conscious effort to stay strong and confident in myself by running, living a relatively healthy lifestyle and surrounding myself with people who value person over appearance.
Sara Machi ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in English and journalism.