In the middle ages there were several codes of the chivalric ideal, handed down in the form of poetry, song and story. Knights and other members of the courtly society were expected to adhere to these rules religiously. “The 12 chief rules in love” were something like the knight’s handbook to medieval courtship.

Meanwhile, in our modern dating environment, a quick click on therulesbook.com will link you to our modern equivalent. Culled from the immensely popular tome “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider, which was published a few years ago, the website provides the authors’ “top 10 rules of dating.”

Of course, in this century, people are quite divided on chivalry. Many believe it is an archaic and sexist practice that suggests that a woman is unable to do anything for herself. Yet others lament its apparent death and cry for a resurgence in practice.

Reactions to “The Rules” were similarly divided.

Despite the controversy, is chivalry truly dead?

The prevailing theme in the modern version of “The Rules” is “man pursues woman.” The idea of the man as aggressor and the woman as receiver is repeated over and over. For example, in the top 10 list, rule four is, “For every four of his e-mails, respond to one.” Rule seven is, “If he does not call, he is not interested. Period.” The authors go on to stress that a woman does not call a man but waits for him to express his interest and contact her.

Now, being an independent and enlightened woman, this advice makes my stomach turn. However, the male-as-aggressor concept does hark directly back to our medieval counterparts. A courtly woman was expected to wax demure and resist the initial advances of men. It would be downright scandalous for her to express interest in and start pursuing one.

As evidenced by the global popularity of “The Rules,” many women still feel this is the best way to go about dating. On the contrary, as evidenced by the global backlash the book also received, many women feel this is the dumbest thing they have ever heard.

Those who view chivalry as simply pulling out a chair, opening doors, and paying for dinner would do well to actually read the codes of chivalric love. In actuality, these minute actions are only the tip of the chivalry iceberg. A true and devoted commitment to the practice goes much farther than that.

One rule says, “A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.”

Another instructs, “A true lover is constantly, and without intermission, possessed by the thought of his beloved.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think nowadays we call that “obsession,” and it is generally frowned upon.

But tucked into the long list is one sneaky little rule that seems to have wormed itself all the way into the 21st century: “The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.”

There it is, the medieval equivalent of “Send one e-mail for every four of his.” Playing hard-to-get seems to be the oldest rule of romance. Although this is a deeply annoying rule to aggressive woman and men, it is interesting that it has survived for so long.

Incidentally, gossiping is also a chivalric no-no: “Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.”

That one has obviously fallen by the wayside; “The Rules” website urges its readers to post their stories and experiences on the message boards for all to peruse and “learn from.”

Public displays of affection are so common now that we have a term for them, and most people would balk at the idea of keeping a relationship a secret.

Amidst all the controversy, there is one chivalric rule that should get more attention: “Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.”

That’s good advice for everyone.