Union commits WisconSIN

Once upon a time, an entrepreneurial group of University of Wisconsin students gathered regularly in the basement of a YMCA not far from campus to decompress after class while playing pool and cards. Eventually these students got kicked out of the YMCA for, among other things, smoking cigars.

Not long after, UW President Charles Van Hise called for a building that would provide for “the communal life of instructors and students in work, in play, and in social relations.” The result was the Wisconsin Union.

Today’s Wisconsin Union bears little resemblance to the building described by Van Hise. The new Union South is shiny, but not very useful for students – although it’s probably useful for generating revenue from alumni and recruiting high school seniors. Now, the face of the Memorial Union is rapidly changing, and not necessarily for the better. Today, Der Rathskeller can hardly be called a cafeteria for students, and the building is ensconced in what seems to be perpetual construction.

The worst part is the Union used to be a place where students could drink decent beer by the lake for a reasonable price. These days, you’d be just as well off going to a bar, and, at this rate, Terrace beer will be cost prohibitive within our lifetime.

Putting up the wrong numbers

Every year, angry alumni and parents get on UW’s case about the profanity they hear at football games. Something about being told to eat shit doesn’t sit well with these people.

At this point, it seems unlikely that the university can put an end to the vulgar chants of the UW student section. And to be honest, when it comes to UW football games, there are much bigger fish to fry.

Case in point, the astronomical blood alcohol concentrations that UW fans recorded this fall. The Badger football team did pretty well on the field, but students were also putting up impressive numbers on the Breathalyzer. One fan was so plastered he forgot to take off his pants while streaking.

Intoxication at Badger games was representative of an alarming incidence of binge drinking that swept campus this semester. During the weekend of Freakfest, police officers found two students lying unconscious on University Avenue. Both students were found vomiting and alone, with blood alcohol contents greater than .35. The discovery of a UW student passed out and dangerously intoxicated has become an all too frequent occurrence.

There is nothing wrong with a rowdy game day, but near fatal alcohol poisoning is no laughing matter. Besides, what’s the point of going to a football game that intoxicated? At that point, you may as well be watching the game on your couch at home.

A platform of ham and rolls 

Gov. Scott Walker has been keeping busy over the last few months not running for president. Between writing a book, touring the country and making the Sunday morning talk show rounds, how could he possibly have time to govern the state, to say nothing of running for president?

Besides, even if Walker were contemplating a presidential run, would he really do something that might take away from his “hot ham and rolls” time? We think not.

Unless, of course, he was campaigning on a platform of hot ham and rolls.

The walls came crumbling down

This campus is not exactly known for its stellar fitness facilities. In fact, according to a report from UW Rec Sports, UW has less than one-third of the total fitness space of Ohio State University and less than half that of the University of Minnesota. I mean, come on. Minnesota? Really?

Not only is UW lacking in total fitness space, but the facilities themselves are quite literally falling apart. The Shell has lead paint on the walls and in the ventilation system, and had a pipe burst and flood the entire facility. The South East Recreational Facility is in serious need of roof repairs and the Natatorium is in danger of having its roof collapse.

Many of us already struggle to find motivation to exercise, and the sorry state of this university’s recreational facilities does not provide an incentive to work out. If anything, it deters students from going to the gym.

Worst tweeter on campus 

Everyone fucks up occasionally. Sometimes we say things that are ill-advised, offensive or just plain stupid. But then, realizing the error of our ways, we apologize and resolve to do better.

David Hookstead is no ordinary asshole.

After The Badger Herald published his musings on rape culture, the campus vehemently responded to condemn Hookstead’s victim-blaming misogyny. Many of our own writers, students across campus and alumni penned letters opposing his unrepentant ignorance.

But even in the face of nearly universal condemnation, Hookstead was unyielding. He fought going down on both his personal and the UW Confessions social media accounts.

Normally, this board could applaud such dogmatic adherence to one’s personal beliefs—but there comes a time to admit your opinion isn’t just unpopular, it’s plain wrong.

We don’t envy your potential future employers’ faces when they Google your name.

Snuggle house: a beautiful idea come before its time

Snuggle House, we hardly knew ye.

Blanketed in charges that an earnest attempt to bring more touchy-feely love into the world would give way to prostitution, The Snuggle House closed its doors, and Madisonians are left once again to seek their snuggles on the open market.

With city regulators breathing down the snugglers’ necks (and Facebook “haters” harshing their mellow), the business succumbed to cold pricklies after only 22 days. Perhaps if the community had embraced the business fully, the controversial house of cuddles may not have met its untimely end.

Instead of cozying up to the city, The Snuggle House embarked on a quest to bring more warm feelings and platonic friendship into the world—a valiant, if ill-fated, mission.

It’s disheartening to see the news-making oddity go under (the covers), but we’re confident another enterprising business will rise to take its place.

After all, when cuddling is outlawed, only the outlaws will cuddle.

Canada called, it wants its leaf back

City officials and residents have expressed concern over State Street and Library Mall’s redevelopment, including food carts, landscaping and biking. But our biggest concern is the giant, 12-feet-high and 30-feet-wide and long stainless steel maple leaf that will likely be erected in the process.

Looking at the rendering, one begins to wonder…why? No offense to the artist, who seems to be skilled and have good intentions, but what the fuck?

We’re not sure if this is some sort of tribute to Canada or nature or something but we can’t see the significance of maple leaves to the Madison community.

City officials have discussed adding a “festive” spattering of colored LED lights to the enormous leaf. Maybe next they’ll make it play Christmas music year-round—or better yet, a rendition of “O Canada.”

Sorry, City of Madison, this is pretty weird.

The Rent is Too Damn High award

Fancy student high rises are taking over the downtown area. In the past year, we saw University Ave’s X01 and West Dayton Street’s Vantage Point go up, and three more large developments are on the horizon.

A 12-story monument to high maintenance student excess called “The Hub” will be built where the hole in the ground on the 500 block of State Street is growing. A six-story apartment complex is slated to go up where the Stadium Bar once was. And another 12-story Goliath ominously called “Domain” is going to be at the corner of Johnson and Broom Streets by August of next year.

Also, we can’t forget that expensive Waterfront Apartment building that keeps reminding us of how its HEATED ROOFTOP POOL HAS BEEN APPROVED!! Madison is experiencing a trend toward expensive housing options with absurd amenities, and we’re concerned this influx of high-end housing will leave less wealthy students out in the cold.