There are moments when it appears the University of Wisconsin and the Cone of Silence are one and the same. They both have a tendency to malfunction, often with hilarious results, yet still do an admirable job of drowning out foreign criticism. Unfortunately, the university can’t drown out itself, and in defending the improper spending of a professor, they’re put themselves in a situation in need of some serious “control.” Sure, we all enjoy the occasional movie break in lecture, but sometimes people just don’t know where to stop.
Would you believe that a UW professor used a university credit card to purchase over $200 of “Get Smart” DVDs? The educator — who we’ll simply refer to as Professor 86 because his name was blacked out of records — suggested that the 25-disc collection was necessary to “illustrate aspects of business and management.” This excuse is somewhat comparable to the reasoning used by men every February when Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition comes out: There’s a great article on the NHL. More false words have never been spoken. Ultimately, “Get Smart” can’t teach you much about business, unless you’re in the business of turning great 1960’s TV shows into terrible Steve Carell movies.
Naturally, Professor 86 didn’t stop there. Apparently TV shows are such an effective teaching tool that 86 also bought seasons of “Family Ties” and “The Love Boat” (the show, not the Vikings sex scandal). Higher education has finally come around to what we in the dredges have known all along: Sitcom television is the greatest instructor of all.
It’s ironic that this fan of “Get Smart” has become so dumb, yet it’s not fair to blame him entirely for this lapse in judgment. After all, when one has access to a university credit card, it’s hard not to make a few impulse purchases. And it’s not like they can audit every employee, so there had to be a reasonable chance no one would ever know. Even more, the university’s defense came synced with its own laugh track, saying the DVDs were acceptable because the one-time cost of purchasing them was cheaper than the long-run costs to rent. So let’s take a minute out of our day, admit we don’t hold Ph.D.s and take a stab at what “Get Smart,” “Family Ties” and “The Love Boat” could have taught us in the college setting.
“Family Ties” taught us the Republican Party could be hip, as long as your family was white and your spokesperson was Michael J. Fox. Interestingly enough, while the series represented some of his earlier work, the acting was much less shaky than his later career [Booya!]. It’s difficult to pin down how “Family Ties” relates to business, but it goes without saying the episodes would be invaluable to any class investigating the strong correlation between fatherhood and beards.
If disco represented everything that was wrong with the late 1970s, “The Love Boat” stood strong for all that is good: feathered hair, excess wealth and constant spinoffs. Many of Captain Merrill Stubing’s nautical procedures could be excellent instructional devices for our Navy ROTC members, and it’s only a matter of time before we introduce a cruise ship management major. We could even use several of the more popular episodes in comparison with another iconic series: “Roots.” After all, they both have scenes with a boat. That’s smart spending.
And then there’s “Get Smart.” Frankly, the show is so far removed from business and management that even making a half-baked attempt to legitimize the point would be irresponsible. What this anonymous professor did was stupid, and I’m sure he or she knows it. What the university did in defending the purchases was a little spineless. There are smarter ways to spend a few hundred bucks than on DVDs, there are much better excuses than saying spy comedies are educational and there have to be better administrative responses than “at least we don’t have to worry about late fees.”
But these things happen, and it’s not worth crucifying someone over. It’s scary to think that every time university funds are misused a militia needs to organize on Bascom. Sure, we’re talking about taxpayer dollars, but it’s not a stretch to think that “Get Smart” DVDs are one of the better ways to use the good people of Wisconsin’s money. So have fun with it, and remember that somewhere out there, there’s a more irresponsible employee than you.
Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in journalism.
