There are very few who haven’t heard Rihanna’s lyrics “You can stand under my umbrella,” and even fewer who haven’t heard of what happened when that proverbial umbrella was lifted to expose a violent attack by singer Chris Brown. Shamefully, the coverage of this story did not extend beyond the fame of those involved, and the effects of this attack on both of their careers, which is typical of the celebrity-crazed media of the day. Indeed, the media was occupied with this story for all the wrong reasons.
What they should have been concerned with was what this incident reveals about the state of acceptance of spousal abuse in American society. The fact of the matter is that spousal abuse is all too common in our society. With a nationwide study showing that one in four women in the U.S. and one in 10 men are subject at least once to spousal abuse, we truly need to realize the magnitude of the problem we are facing. This is a multifaceted issue that cuts through cultural and ethnic lines and should be addressed with the nuance it deserves.
First we must realize spousal abuse affects more than the abuser and the victim — it has far reaching effects, especially when the parties involved are of considerable fame. This was all too evident in a recent interview that CNN conducted with a group of high school students, during which the Rihanna case was brought up. Instead of condemning Mr. Brown’s actions, most of the students began making excuses for the singer, and even some of the girls went as far as saying they did not care what Brown did, they would still forgive and support him. This might be shocking at first, until you learn that — according to CNN — 10 percent of teens in the U.S. are subjected to some form of abuse from their partners.
Not only is the prevalence of spousal abuse in the U.S. affecting American youth, but it is also exposing the hypocrisy with which our leaders and this society at large treat the issue. For example, within the black American community, one finds the leaders of the civil rights movement preoccupied with Don Imus and monkey cartoons while the misogyny stemming from rap culture spreads among members of the black community. This is evident through the breakdown of the family structure and the normalization of the “baby momma,” toward whom the father bears little to no responsibility or respect. Yet, when one points out these startling facts or the shocking 70 percent illegitimacy rate of black American children in the U.S., they are accused of being racist and not understanding of the cultural and economic differences leading to these figures. It is truly sad that this society prefers to deal with these issues by ignoring them and admonishing those who point out the inconvenient truth of the societal ailments that lead to spousal abuse.
It does not matter whether it’s the underlying misogyny of the Muslim American society that lingers as a remnant of the societal traditions from which most Muslim Americans descend, or if it’s the itemization of women in mainstream American culture that leads women to identify their self-worth by their appearance and their ability to attract and impress men — they all lead to the same result. Whenever women do not realize the true source of their self-worth and start depending on men to provide them with reassurance of their value, and whenever men are given free reign over their partners with little to fear from society or the law, spousal abuse is just right around the corner.
Yet it isn’t only our unwillingness to face the inconvenient sources of this problem that allows it to persist and spread. It is also our willingness to justify and excuse the abusers and blame the victims for the attacks they’ve endured. Not only is our society willing to tolerate spousal abuse, but it is the victim who is often willing or expected to forgive the attacker out of fear of losing whatever perks the relationship provides or out of the shame of being cast as a helpless victim of someone whom they hold so dear.
When we’re faced with such emotionally charged and difficult issues, it is instinctive of us to try to oversimplify them and look for a single person or thing to blame. Yet we must resist these instincts, and we must attempt to fully comprehend what we are facing. Such a multifaceted problem requires an equally complex solution. We must strive to improve the societal awareness of this problem, and to alter the false perceptions that we have regarding these issues. We must also reach out to the victims and encourage them to come out and hold their abusers accountable. Only then can we hope that no person would have to face abuse from those they hold dearest.
Ammar Al Marzouqi ([email protected]) is a sophomore majoring in computer engineering.
