Every year, people all over the world suffer from varying cases of paraskevidekatriaphobia. What is this longwinded peril, you ask? If you are up to snuff with your Greek, you know this is the fear of Friday the 13th. There is one paraskevidekatria, however, that will not be striking fear in the hearts of millions this year, and that is “Friday the 13th,” which plays homage to the original franchise and the slasher flick genre as a whole, but is severely lacking when it comes to thrills.
Directed and produced by the same people who created the fairly decent remake of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” this film is an enjoyable, modernized look at a horror classic that, for more than 20 years, has been plagued by terrible sequels. Unfortunately, the film’s pitiful screenplay provides few genuine fear-inducing scenes, requiring director Marcus Nispel (“Pathfinder”) to rely mostly on blood and gore and the usual cheap horror genre parlor tricks to scare audiences. Then again, what do you expect when you hire the screenwriting team of Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, who were responsible for penning the ultra-campy, so-not-scary-it-is-laughably-pathetic “Freddy vs. Jason?”
Although the movie features an original storyline, it takes elements from the first four films in the series and takes a new spin on the classic plot of psychotic mass murderer Jason Voorhees killing off promiscuous teenagers who made the mistake of visiting the grounds of Camp Crystal Lake.
The fact that the film is more of a re-imagining than a remake gives today’s generation a chance to bask in the glow of this legendary villain but in a more relatable, contemporary light. This includes major changes in the way characters speak and act as well as even finer details like having teenagers play beer pong while jamming to a modern day soundtrack. Yet, franchise purists need not fret, because the film still includes necessities such as the infamous “ki ki ki, ma ma ma” theme. Now if only the creators had incorporated the original movie’s ability to actually scare audiences, this film would have been a truly terrifying spectacle.
With the exception of Jason, the film also has a brand new cast of characters, yet oddly enough, audiences have seen all these victims before. That is because the cast is made up of stereotypical, undeveloped horror genre characters like the brooding male lead, the token black guy, the ditzy blonde and the funny guy. While this adds a taste of staleness to the movie, it becomes easily overlooked as you find yourself far more interested in how a particular character dies than his back-story. Besides, why take the time to get know someone when they are only going to receive a machete to the chest in the next scene anyway?
What is refreshing about this film, though, is that it marks a return to the art form known as the slasher film — or more candidly, a body count or dead teenager movie — and breaks away from the recent cycle of torture porn flicks. Although both of these subgenres have more than their fair share of blood, the difference is that in torture porn people are not just killed, they are absolutely mutilated, and it is all done with an overwhelming sense of sadism. Jason murders teenagers in this film — in fact, he murders an extreme number of teenagers — but unlike most of today’s horror flicks, you get to relish in the exhilarating, gory goodness without feeling sick to your stomach from excessive disfigurement.
The film does, however, live up to the franchise’s tradition as well as the second half of the torture porn title by dishing out the nudity. If this movie were to be summed up in three words, it would have to be “blood and boobs.” Whether it is having sex, performing stripteases by the campfire or even wakeboarding topless, girls apparently love hanging out at Camp Crystal Lake. And even though horror movies customarily include lots of nudity, one has to wonder if sometimes the creators were just itching to see how far they could stretch the film’s “R” rating.
All in all, “Friday the 13th” is certainly not a great horror film, nor does it live up to its predecessor. What it will do, though, is provide you with an ample amount of fast-paced, bloody entertainment from start to finish.
2 1/2 stars out of 5.
