Much like Martin Luther King Jr., I have dreams. But unlike the good doctor, mine rarely deal with broad social change, instead opting for visions of a Twins World Series win or Charlize Theron. Until last night, that is. Last night I had a dream so complex, not even Joseph and his technicolor coat could decipher it. And it all begins Thursday night .
I was sitting in my apartment, mindlessly watching the television like I always do on days that end in “y,” when a massive black entity swung through my living room window. Always on the alert, I immediately snapped into action, crying for my roommate and offering my wallet — until I noticed this was no burglar or Jehovah’s Witness — it was Batman.
Confused, I asked him what he was doing in Madison. He said he’d been hired by the Madison Police Department, which was a little worn out after a string of violent robberies. They were looking for a pro, so they fired up the bat signal and asked him to take over for a while. But then, what was he doing at my apartment and not out on the streets, looking for actual crime? As it turned out, the MPD told Mr. Wayne they like to start with the student population, whose crimes are typically petty. This is, after all, Madison, and not Gotham City. Serious crime is big news because it isn’t a common occurrence.
But these are not common times. Not only has petty crime been too prevalent on the front pages of our newspapers, those crimes have gone unsolved. It’s disheartening that the very same officers who, weekend after weekend, prey on college students, cannot deal with crime that actually affects the community. Handing out drinking tickets is like shooting fish in a barrel, and while solving an assault case is no walk in the park, it is inestimably more important.
The Caped Crusader chimed in on an issue he called selective justice. As he pointed out, there’s a serious crime issue in Gotham, and Batman is just one guy — he can’t take it all on. Instead, he focuses on serious crime, and lets the minor ones go. It’s like the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” book, except with misdemeanors. In not taking this approach, we not only hurt the community’s chances of solving important crime; we potentially wreck the lives of those caught on the wrong end of such a volatile system. Minor crimes, as frivolous and as commonplace as they are, go down on a permanent criminal record. Future employment could hinge upon whether an officer decided to stop in front of your house or not. And you know what happens to kids who screw up and can’t find employment when they’re young, right? They become cops.
There is an interesting symbiosis that exists between students and law enforcement. On the one hand, we ask them to stay out of our lives. On the other, we don’t work too hard to protect our homes, yet fall back on law enforcement to protect us. This isn’t necessarily foolish; it merely reflects the unusual relationship the police and the students have. In the end, underage drinking is a crime, and the police have every right to exercise their authority. However, it doesn’t appear to be in sound judgment. As the Dark Knight himself mused, “They can arrest 400 kids for that Mifflin thing but they can’t solve these downtown robberies? I’ll have to tell the Joker that one!”
After a night of discussion, I felt Batman and I had reached a mutual understanding. He offered to go easy on the students — and to pay for my window — and I told him I’d work on fully appreciating the good work the police do every day. For every thing they do wrong, there are a hundred things they do right. But just as he was about to let me do doughnuts with the Batmobile, I heard a loud scream, and for the first time in my life, a gunshot. Batman quickly turned to leave, but as he disappeared into the night, he said to me, “I need to go — there’s a high school kid trying to buy cigarettes.”
Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism.
