There’s a disgruntled air in the air. Recently, students began to notice the outside is getting colder. While few have seen this coming for weeks, many only caught on the trend when they awoke to snow this past Friday morning.
The white blanket of precipitated matter dulled the hopes of Badgers looking for a bright spot after their failed midterm. At least the snow provided a cool camouflage for the tears these students shed, as the freezing bits of the cries easily swirled into the pre-frozen snow.
Students took to the streets in varied apparel to conceal their newfound seasonal depression.
“I just really like this coat,” Jenna Benson, a University of Wisconsin engineering freshman said. “I thought it would be warm enough for the cold since it cost me hella and has this fuzzy lining. Wait, I guess it actually cost my mom hella. Regardless, I’m sad and cold.”
Benson’s attire, while fashionable, is not puffy enough to sustain the treacherous, blowing winter winds Shakespeare spoke of. She mentioned she neglected to read any of the poetry for her literature class and went to her dorm kitchen to partake in group sing-alongs most evenings, which explains why she was uninformed.
Even for experienced students, the new cold brought sad boy vibes which could not be rectified with a parka. David Palmer, a UW junior majoring in Spanish, felt the fire within him perish.
“Typically,” Palmer began, “I feel a literal fire within me. Like, a legit fire. I’m always concerned I’m going to accidentally burst into flame. It’s pretty chill that the fire isn’t going to consume me at the moment, but I’m still cold. I hate it.”
Student becomes flaming mass of ash when asked ‘What are you doing with your life?’
The “weather” is a rather interesting field to study, as there are whole departments dedicated to it despite it seemingly being a cruel, unpredictable phenomenon not even the likes of Broadway star Al Roker can reign in. Well, part of a department at least, it has to share its space with oceans.
Atmospheric and oceanic sciences professor Stanley Temples, an expert on predicting the weather and why it makes students sad, noted the specific feature which continues to make this cold weather a desolate factor in our environmental wasteland.
“Well, for one, the temperature is dropping,” Temples explained, “So that’s why a lot of students feel cold. Also, it snows sometimes. Just seeing snow makes students realize it is pretty cold outside and they should stop wearing cargo shorts. Personally, I wear a parka even in August so I can avoid the cruel shocks of weather.”
Inspired by a sense of civic duty, many in the campus community are creating initiatives to end the cold weather. At the next Associated Students of Madison session, one representative is rumored to be proposing a resolution to recommend the weather get a little warmer once it reaches below 20 degrees. This recommendation is expected to pass a vote on the floor with at least 20 minutes of debate.
ASM could not be reached for comment.
Another student organization, Students Against Desolate Blowing Outside Influences is working on building a protective layer for the campus. SADBOI is currently accepting yarn donations in order to help build a miles long scarf for the campus. George Tucker, SADBOI president, acknowledged those willing to help.
“SADBOI appreciates all the help we can get to create real change,” Tucker said.
Until these efforts are complete, most on campus will still feel pretty darn cold.
