Focus on studying; call home every 5 minutes; never stop partying! So you have decided to come to the University of Wisconsin. You have repeatedly informed countless inquiring teachers, friends, relatives and complete strangers of your choice. Since choosing UW, you have undoubtedly received enough advice to fill more than a few books. It is no surprise, then, that Barnes & Noble offers a vast selection of texts claiming to provide the perfect plan on how to have a mind-blowingly awesome college experience. I am here to tell you there is no plan. There is absolutely nothing anyone can say to prepare you for moving into a glorified closet with a complete stranger. Home-cooked meals will be reduced to fond memories as you learn to subsist on Easy Mac and late-night pizza. You will learn what it is to step out of a shower feeling significantly less clean than when you stepped in. Your first week will be a struggle to adjust to sleeping within arm's length of another living, breathing, often snoring human being who will consume your food and drink your beer even if you specifically tell him not to. If you party hard, your roommate will study 24/7. If you need eight hours of sleep, your roommate will play "World of Warcraft" until 6 a.m. If you have asthma, your roommate will listen to Phish and smoke enough weed to burn a hole in the ozone layer. No matter how long you have been with your boyfriend or girlfriend from high school, you will end it after three weeks of calling each other and running out of ways to say, "I miss you." On the other hand, if your roommate has a significant other, you will suffer through many nauseatingly noisy nights ending in awkward mornings. That is just how freshman year works. You will nervously file into cavernous lecture halls with 400 other students and spend the next 50 minutes nodding off, then snapping your head up, wondering if anyone noticed. There will be mornings when you wake up after three hours of sleep and lie in your bed staring at the ceiling, desperately attempting to justify skipping your power lecture about plate tectonics. You will learn how to discuss books you have never read and write six-page papers for classes you did not attend. You will master the art of nodding your head in a convincing manner as your TA discusses events you never knew happened ("Apparently there was more than one World War?") and people you have never heard of ("Charles Dar-who?"). You will hike up Bascom Hill sweating, thinking of a million crazy excuses as you turn in an assignment a week late. The admissions office may tell you it is easy to talk with your professor, but remember the 400 other people in your lecture who heard the same spiel. The movies "Animal House" and "Old School" promise non-stop toga parties and KY-Jelly wrestling matches with half-naked women. As with most movies, reality is far less exotic. You will spend your first weekend walking in large packs of other freshmen to keggers in College Court. When the police arrive at said house parties, you will drop your beer and run out the back door. You will return to your dorm three hours later, $5 poorer and reeking of Miller Lite. The first year of college is a long and awkward experience, but you will learn about how you might fit into the swiftly approaching real world. Your roommate might be a complete freak, but imagine all the horrifyingly awesome stories you can tell your children as they prepare for college. You may introduce yourself to hundreds of people you will never speak to again, but you will also make friends to stay in touch with for the rest of your life. Chemistry 103 is not going to blow your mind, but ask a few upperclassmen for course suggestions and you will quickly find yourself with a long list of interesting classes and brilliant professors. If I had to give a bit of advice, I would only remind you that every student you meet here is going through the same cycle of struggle, worry, confusion and realization. We have only a few years to carve out a comfortable niche and then we are thrown into a far scarier experience, so make the most of every day and "Focus on studying, call home every 5 minutes and ever stop partying!" Daniel Tenenbaum ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in political science, international studies and history.