Oscar’s Sunday night party featured more of the same from Hollywood as bare backs and cleavage was narcissism’s only true competitor for the most reoccurring theme at the 77th annual Academy Awards.
The yearly tradition of Hollywood thanking itself was made slightly more entertaining than most years by first-time host Chris Rock. Despite many elderly network executives’ best efforts, Rock hosted the show despite committing a show biz cardinal sin last week, telling the truth in a humorous tone to people with no sense of humor. After rhetorically asking “What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars?” and later stating “I never watched the Oscars … Come on, it’s a fashion show,” Rock was criticized by the press as rumors swirled about a last minute scratch and a backdoor search for a replacement host. This time last week, Billy Crystal was probably hard at work preparing a shoddy musical number that featured a chorus line about how “Million Dollar Baby” was the most “Incredibles” movie under the “Eternal Sunshine” of “Neverland,” a song that would have been met with a laughing, standing ovation despite its overt cheesiness. Fortunately, Crystal was just another ego in the crowd as Rock pulled through and ripped apart some of Hollywood’s biggest names, most of them in the building watching as their careers received some well-deserved criticism.
Monday, a number of national publications slammed Rock for being negative, one of them being Tom Shales of The Washington Post, who claimed Rock was “lame and mean-spirited.” While compared to his stand-up specials Rock’s performance was lame, but take into the context the network censorship attitude about controversial content and it’s arguable that Rock did the best he could with the little freedom he was granted. As for being mean-spirited, Rock has grown into a legendary comic by rudely pointing out the truth on facets of society that mainstream America doesn’t want to confront. It is Rock’s status the Academy Awards were after when they choose him to host the awards and for people to expect him to change for a bunch of sensitive actors is ignorant.
Rock went at it all night long as one highlight included a jab at Jude Law, the handsome actor who starred in six movies in 2004 and has been in 11 films since 2000, including “The Aviator.” While pointing out the fact that Jude Law was overexposed last year is well-treaded territory, saying it in front of him and his peers was a rare moment of not kissing the popular guy’s ass.
“Who is Jude Law, and why is he in every movie I’ve seen in the last four years?” Rock said. “Even if he didn’t act in it, he’s there in the credits — he made cupcakes or something.”
The comment seemed fairly safe as the crowd belted out a laugh that could be collectively understood as, “that’s quite true but I better not laugh too hard or else a camera will be capturing my reaction to that hack’s skin deep career.” Later in the broadcast, the ever-angry Sean Penn came to the rescue for Law, forcefully explaining to everyone “Jude Law is one of our most talented actors.” Thanks Sean and taking that from a man who starred in “Shanghai Surprise,” America knows that you are the final judgment when it comes to talent.
Other jokes included a take on Tobey Maguire’s career as a mere “boy in tights” compared to Clint Eastwood’s star power. Mean-spirited? Of course, but it’s the plain truth. Maguire will forever been known as the 30-year-old man with a torso of an eight-year-old boy who played a comic book character. There should be no confusing Eastwood and Maguire in the realm of talent, and Rock was smart enough to turn it into a joke. Rock also went political as he took a stab at Bush’s growing national deficit and Tim Robbins’ passionate yet often annoying political agenda.
“Suppose you worked at the Gap and you closed out your register and you were $70 trillion short” said Rock, “You’d be in trouble.”
“When our next presenter isn’t dazzling us with his acting ability,” Rock said of Robbins, “he’s boring us to death with his politics.”
With a nation divided in half and in a room filled with raging liberals, Rock’s line about Robbins provided a small glimmer of hope for the right in Hollywood. The line will now join Dennis Miller as the only Bush lobbyists in Hollywood.
Lost among the Rock controversy was the true crime of the evening, the multi-million dollar stage of lavish TV screens and shiny metal compounds probably ripped off from the Manhattan project. Actors also wore clothes that cost as much as a typical middle class family’s down payment on a three bedroom ranch. The amount of money spent on the Oscars and other awards shows in recent weeks similar to the Oscars in selfishness and greed could probably have single handedly cured AIDS, or at least could have adopted a couple of African orphans for the next 3,476 years.
Of course, nobody is going to talk about Hollywood’s dirty habit of financial self-indulgence when it is so easy to cast the blame on the black guy with the potty mouth. America needs minds like Chris Rock and should praise him for his refreshing perspective on an egotistical industry, not put him down for doing what most hosts would never dare to attempt, telling the truth regardless of what people think.
Rick is a junior majoring in Journalism and Radio/TV/Film and was nominated for best cynic. He can be reached at [email protected]
