Here’s a hypothetical situation for you. Let’s say that I’m the mayor of Madison, and I tell you that I never drive on the beltline because I’m “scared shitless” of cars. Then suppose that I am so anti-automobile that I decide to join a bicycle-activist group called “Critical Mass,” which is a bicycle-activist organization that frequently rides together in large groups on Madison’s busiest streets during rush hour to block traffic in a form of protest against cars.
Then, finally, let’s say that after supporting policies that require every new business in Madison to have an excessive amount of bike stalls, as mayor I decide to spend over $110,000 to install a new bicycle lane around the capitol square on taxpayer money. And then, when people complain about the outrageous taxpayer expense of this endeavor, I respond by playing dumb and say that the cost “was a surprise to me when I learned about it a few weeks ago,” but I decide to go through with the expensive plan anyway.
If I was the Mayor of Madison, and I told you all of this, you probably would laugh in my face and tell me I need psychological help. Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but everything I have just said is actually true, not of myself, but of our current mayor, Dave Cieslewicz. That’s just a slice of the pro-bicycle crusade that our Mayor is currently on with certain members of the Madison City Council.
Next month, the Mayor expects approval by the City Council of a $132,000 plan to add 27 more parking spaces to the Capitol Square because of an increasing demand for car parking. Cost of the parking spaces: $19,000. But the mayor decided that in order to be “fair” to bicyclists, he’d go right ahead and tack on an additional $113,000 of your hard-earned taxpayer money to go toward the creation of a new bike lane around the square. Why is this so expensive you ask? Well, because the mayor thinks it’s necessary to cover up a 1/4-inch crevice in the road so that bicyclists don’t ride over the crevice, take a fall at 5 miles per hour, and rip a hole in their spandex or get a boo-boo on their arm.
Other ridiculous bicycle-friendly ideas have included a proposal by the Mayor’s good friend City Council Member Robbie Webber, who wants to make it mandatory for all banks in Madison to include separate drive-up lanes for bicycles. Apparently, some bicyclists feel discriminated against by the banks and want their own personal bank teller’s and drive-up lanes. You see, they are the ones being environmentally friendly and cutting down on global warming, unlike those evil, fast-moving weapons we like to call automobiles.
Another policy that the Mayor and City Council have repeatedly supported has been siding with the 10-speeders in their refusal to pay a permit fee for use of city bike trails. If you use a state bike trail you have to pay a fee, but you don’t have to pay anything to use the city trails in Madison because the Mayor and his biking buddies feel that us car drivers should all be thankful to bicyclists for not contributing to the dangerous automobile environment in Madison. At the same time, I’m sure the mayor thinks it’s a good thing that the toll fees for those scary automobiles were recently doubled on I-90. That’ll teach us car lovers!
Also, you may have noticed that when it snows, the bike paths typically are cleared off before many of the roads are in Madison. That’s also because the bikers are first priority in this city since they are keeping you and I safer by staying off the slippery, snow-covered roads.
Mayor Dave, please stop being ridiculous. You need to start taking the citizens of Madison seriously and not be so self-serving in your governing. Spending thousands of dollars on “bike-friendly” proposals is not what this city needs. You and Robbie Webber need to start focusing on being more fiscally responsible and practical. Your response in being “surprised” by the enormous cost of this $110,000 bicycle plan is one of the most outrageous, irresponsible ones I’ve ever heard. It is tantamount to a family going out and buying a one-million-dollar home when they have a combined income of $40,000 a year and $100,000 in unpaid credit card bills. It’s time to stop dreaming about Lance Armstrong and step into the real world, Mr. Mayor.
We are a city that demands fiscal responsibility, not unnecessary spending. We demand sane laws that accommodate all modes of transportation within reason, not policies that require an expensive bike path along with every new road construction project and real estate development.
Finally, we demand a set of principles by our mayor that represent the entire constituency of Madison, not ones that represent only the people who eat too much granola and wear those ridiculous spandex shorts (that 98% of the riders shouldn’t be allowed to wear in public, by the way). I have to inform you, Mayor Dave, that we’re not hosting the Tour De France anytime soon, although I’ll be sure to inform you when we do.
Casey Hoff ([email protected]) is a UW student and the host of “New Ground with Casey Hoff,” live Monday through Friday, 9-11 a.m., on Talk Radio 1670 WTDY.
