Maybe the least surprising winner of an award since Wilt Chamberlain was being named MVP by averaging a million points and a million rebounds a game (still a record), the Red Shed has pretty much locked up the Best/Dirtiest Dive Bar honors for the rest of the millennia, or at least until some brothel sets up shop in the spot formerly occupied by The Den on StateStreet.

The reason: You’ve got a floor that can make Teflon shoes stick to it by 11:30 p.m. on just about any given night.

You’ve got a pool table that appears to also double as a beer pong table nightly, and whose levelness is about, well on par with Brittany Spears.

Then there are the drinks. Like month old Peeps, they are cheap and hard. In the past, I have advocated that only the Real Thing — the best Long Island on the planet and best drink in Madison, bar none — for $6 was the only thing that should be on the menu at the Shed. But, I’ll relent and give you that on Monday, and Monday only, the $1.50 top shelf deal is an acceptable alternative.

The restrooms are the closest thing to an indoor outhouse as you can get, with no locks, stalls and often toilet paper. It’s pretty much the vacation home for the Bacteria of the Rich and Famous.

Lastly, just when you thought the Red Shed couldn’t get any less classy and more divey — they lose the wagon that has adorned the top of the place since Buffalo Bill left it behind in 1902 to cover the Real Things he couldn’t afford. That is about the only downside to the Red Shed, Madison’s signature and greatest bar, these days.

No more opportunity to reach third base with your significant other or one-nighter in the red and white wagon.