If it’s the holiday season, you can be sure I’m watching Home Alone.

It’s the classic tale where Macaulay Culkin’s family takes off for vacation and accidentally leaves him all alone on Christmas. A couple of bone-headed burglars think he’s an easy mark, but Culkin easily disposes of them with some MacGyver-style booby traps and adorable puns.

But despite all his clever maneuvers, nobody really talks about how in real life home invasions are pretty scary, and Culkin would totally get capped by some pissed off burglars.

Vigilante justice in the real world is largely frowned upon, and with good reason. The definition of “fair punishment” can vary greatly depending on the person asked. But some laws help provide more of a self-preservation defense to those who take the law into their own hands.

For example, state Rep. Dean Kaufert, R-Neenah, is preparing a bill which if passed would allow homeowners to use force – including deadly force – to defend their home and themselves from a perceived threat.

“There’s been cases … where an individual shot a person breaking in and then the person who was trying to break in went back and tried to sue the homeowner,” Kaufert said. “I believe that people should be able to protect themselves in [their] own home without fear of being sued by an intruder.

A “Castle Doctrine” – because a man’s home is his castle – can vary depending on the state, but the general idea is to give a homeowner legal protection when he or she confronts a home invader. This protection even extends to the use of deadly force. Currently, only seven states have enacted a form of Castle Doctrine.

In general, a person in this state is not charged criminally for wounding or killing a person if it is a reasonable, clear cut case of self-defense or defense of another person. This new bill would serve to strengthen this defense and allow for more protection in a matter of property defense. Kaufert said a similar bill – proposed by former Democratic Rep. Ann Hraychuck – passed the Assembly in the last session but died on the Senate floor.

Let me be clear that I support self-defense when it is warranted. If it’s a kill or be killed situation, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to survive. However, a stereo system is not worth killing for.

With the Castle Doctrine, the part that worries me is how protection bridges the gap for people defending themselves and their property.

This increased property defense protection seems like it could almost encourage people to seek a confrontation if they are being burgled. To me that seems like an unnecessary and foolish risk. If a burglar is just interested in stealing stuff, he or she generally does not seek out the homeowner to pick a fight.

Potentially dangerous situations are often triggered when the homeowner walks in on a burglar in action. So it just makes sense to abandon any thoughts of being macho and instead be a good witness for the police. After all, it’s just stuff; even if something’s expensive, it’s not worth risking your life or having to live with the knowledge that you killed someone. Plus, most items fall under homeowner’s insurance anyway.

While this bill has honorable intentions of shielding homeowners who are protecting themselves and their family, it is largely useless on the self-defense side. UW law professor David Schultz said few district attorneys have brought criminal charges against a homeowner. So the bill would basically lend more legal powers to homeowners who are trying to stop a burglar from making off with their flat screen.

Granted, I’ve never had a burglary or home invasion, but I know how scary it is to be lying in bed and hear a strange noise. Your mind flits to images of Paranormal Activity or some other horror movie you’re immediately regretting you ever watched.

But if horror movies have taught me anything useful, it’s that you shouldn’t go investigate. That always leads to really bad things, especially for blonde teenage girls.

So in the case I ever suspect a burglar is in my place, I will do as the Madison Police Department advises: Barricade myself in my room and call the professionals. And just for safety’s sake I’ll keep a baseball bat handy.

Alicia Yager ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in French and journalism.