“Sticks and stones may break bones, in which case a two-game suspension is in order, but words can bring bad press and must be stamped out like recruiting text messages.”

— NCAA Division I Bylaw 6.6.6

In 2005 the National Collegiate Athletic Association — likely based largely on the little known bylaw above — decided this country had suffered enough racism, and the time was ripe to promote colorblind amateur athletic competition. Although the NCAA only decided to ban inappropriate nicknames for postseason play, collegiate sports’ governing body could effectively change a school’s identity with the pressure of being banned from postseason riches.

The NCAA’s first target? Those nasty colleges that dare besmirch American Indians/Native Americans/Or whatever the hell we are supposed to call the original inhabitants of our country. Mascots from the Florida State Seminoles and the Illinois Fighting Illini portray negative stereotypes.

School names like the North Dakota Fighting Sioux are offensive, they reasoned. After all, this implies the Sioux people fought, which, even if they once did — sports metaphors often employ the word “battle” — means such a nickname is offensive now, or something. Umm, yeah.

Whatever their rationale, a five-year battle between North Dakota alumni, professors, administrators, students, the NCAA, the North Dakota State Board of Education and local Sioux tribes (both for and against) came to a conclusion last Thursday when the State Board of Education ordered the University of North Dakota to change its Fighting Sioux mascot. After 80 years, the racism of playing hockey under the name “Sioux” just became too much to bear, even if it is a girl’s name.

The question now is, where does UND go from here? As far as I can tell, there are five reasonable options to pursue — each with its own positive and negative implications

Seek legal action — Unfortunately, this isn’t much of an option at all. Though there are plenty of alumni pissed off that the school nickname they graduated under will no longer exist in a year’s time, the NCAA and its horde of soulless lawyers know how to win a legal battle. Appeals could possibly buy the Sioux mascot a couple more years to fight, but realistically, suing the NCAA will just delay the inevitable.

Eff You Option — North Dakota is no longer allowed to use the Fighting Sioux name. No one has told them, however, what new moniker they must adopt. My suggestions are they stick a middle finger up to the NCAA and show them what an offensive mascot really looks like. Incensed Injuns, Fighting Sue or the Feathers Not Dots People are all solid choices.

UND can make the Cleveland Indian’s Chief Wahoo look like a compassionate, post-racial champion for equality if they really want to. Enjoy that PR mess NCAA.

Just like going the legal route, however, this might not be a feasible option.

Compromise — Sadly, it is probably too late to do so. Instead of making this a “Yes or No” issue about the Fighting Sioux mascot, both the university and current Sioux tribes would have been better served looking for an alternative solution. Be it royalties paid yearly to use the name, a percentage cut from Fighting Sioux apparel sales or huge tuition cuts for American Indian students, both parties should have been able to find a reasonable answer to the problem.

Because really, how does banning the name really help Sioux tribes, many of which suffer from much graver issues.

Alumni step up — Now we get to more realistic responses. Many alumni are reportedly upset over the name change — something they feel was controlled by a few power mongers at the top and does not accurately represent how most feel about the school logo. Well, there is always one way to make your voice heard to NCAA and college officials alike — stop giving money.

We can call this the “Marquette Warriors” option. Ever since MU changed its name from the Warriors to “You Know What” in 1994, alumni from the Al McGuire era frequently respond to telephone calls seeking donations with the same five words: “Are you the Warriors yet?”

Cut off funds. Tell UND you aren’t an alumnus of whatever lame name they choose — I vote for “The Green!” — and that you graduated as a Fighting Sioux. They might not listen to your words but they will listen to what dead, former presidents tell them.

Who knew hockey still had leverage? — North Dakota doesn’t have much: few major cities, even fewer celebrities and no major professional sports franchise. But like the Cornhuskers have football and the Tar Heels have basketball, the Fighting Sioux have hockey.

Even more importantly, Ralph Engelstad Arena — known as one of the best hockey arenas in the world — is privately owned. And the university has no control over it. And there are 2,400 Fighting Sioux logos throughout the arena, including many carved into glass, granite floors and seats. Plus, Engelstad built the Arena, which opened in 2001, on the premise that the nickname would not change.

Whoopsy-daisy.

Perhaps being a tad shortsighted, pro-nickname changers may not have counted on this Mount Rushmore-sized hurdle. (wrong state, I know.)

The solution to this over sensitive, politically correct BS, is actually remarkably simple. Cut off UND from its prized hockey arena and alumni will show you what Fighting Sioux really means. Take away this 11,600-seat hockey cathedral and North Dakota officials will be applying for repeals of the decision faster than a five-on-three goal vs. Michigan Tech. I’m sure the state of North Dakota would love to be home to a $100-million-plus building that is no longer used for anything.

Per usual, the NCAA is drunk with power while relying on Rep. Jeff Wood as a DD.

On this rare occasion, however, UND alumni and students actually have leverage to fight in a way Marquette alumni were denied all those years ago.

Take a lesson from the Warriors, keep fighting to stay the Sioux.

Michael is a senior majoring in journalism. Have any thoughts about the Fighting Sioux to share? Are you offended by the forced name change, or are people overreacting by eliminating the Sioux mascot? Tell him at [email protected].