Steve Buscemi, playing Garland Greene in the Academy Award-snubbed “Con Air,” did what Alanis Morissette failed so Canadian-ly to accomplish. He properly defined irony. Sitting between Nic Cage and his bad Southern accent in the middle of a hijacked prison airplane (genius), and listening to the other convicts get down to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama,” Buscemi stated that irony was “a bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.” After that, he mentioned something about having way too many spoons.

But stuff like that only happens in a top 5 1990s movie — the other four: “Shawshank Redemption,” “Jurassic Park,” “Fargo” and “Mystery Men” — right? Well, for one Milwaukee man, life might as well have been a movie; a bottom 5 1990s movie — including, but not limited to: “Batman and Robin,” “Flubber” and “Waterworld.”

In February, a federal court ruled Johnny Kimble, a Wisconsin state employee, was a victim of race and gender discrimination at his workplace. [Ed. Note: Wait for it…] Naturally, Kimble’s workplace is the Equal Rights Division of the Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development.

There are a few telltale signs of the rapture. One is when all the “Left Behind”-style disappearing starts. Another is when people paid by the state to advance equality can’t even make strides in the break room. Just when you thought we rounded up all the state’s idiots and elected them to the Assembly, it turns out we missed a spot.

Leading the dunces to the water is J. Sheehan Donoghue, a former administrator for the Equal Rights Division who apparently denied Kimble pay raises on numerous occasions during her 12 years in command. According to Donoghue, the reason Kimble didn’t see any extra cash was simple: he didn’t do his job well. And maybe she’s right; there is, after all, nothing more American than doing your job poorly and managing to keep it for 33 years — like Kimble did. That’s why Ted Danson’s a patriot.

Fortunately, the judge didn’t buy Donoghue’s story, probably noticing that Kimble’s one $300 bonus in 12 years was more likely the product of misguided management, and not a Bob Newhart-passive firing department. But the evidence doesn’t end there. According to a story in Monday’s Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, testimony stated “When Kimble said they needed technical support, it was dismissed. When a white peer made the observation, Donoghue promised help. Kimble’s suggestion of a newsletter was ignored until someone else repeated it. Then Donoghue called it a good idea.”

However, despite the terrible unfortunate discrimination Kimble endured, the more interesting charge is that of gender discrimination. It’s not too often that one comes across a gender discrimination case with a man as the victim. Ultimately, it probably means Donoghue is two kinds of crazy, but it’s too bad. In the convoluted community that is the American workforce, women finally getting the chance to oppress men might be a good thing. But not when your business card says “Equal Rights Division” on it. And not when a long-standing, deserving employee is involved.

There’s not really a lesson or conclusion here. If anything, it’s “don’t discriminate against your employees, and if you do, try to find a profession that doesn’t create a hilarious juxtaposition.” It’s not a tough lesson, and surely not one that belongs on the wall of your third grade math room superimposed on a picture of space, but I guess not everybody knows it. J. Sheehan Donoghue didn’t, and because of that, Johnny Kimble is receiving a yearly pension that could be $7,000 smaller than it should be.

It’s difficult to comprehend how frustrating working for an employer and not receiving adequate compensation for a job-well-done would be. I guess it’d be like rain.

On your wedding day.

Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a senior majoring in journalism and history.