Quick question: Has anyone ever really beaten a dead horse? It would probably get tedious, but I’d bet several dollars that it’s at least a little fun. The horse won’t feel a thing, and if you don’t dismantle it, there are three guys in a backroom at Hardee’s who will. So, if only for the purposes of the next 600 words, let’s assume equine assault is an enjoyable experience because we’re about to take some swings.
Money is supposed to fix problems. A well-written check can pay for braces, a new boat or the disposal of those bodies. But no matter how much money we hand to the American auto industry, they can’t right the ship. Now 21,000 factory jobs and billions of dollars later, the geniuses at GM are taking a note from John Steinbeck as they tell their Pontiac employees to think of the rabbits and close their eyes.
The move to kill off Pontiac by the end of the next year is only one part of what GM hopes will be their first good idea since the El Camino. The company, which is currently running on $15 billion worth of government loans, is hoping to offset some of that debt by offering up GM stock, or as we like to call it, Monopoly money. If it works, they’ll try the same thing with the United Auto Workers, who they also owe around $20 billion for a health care expense trust. In the end, they hope to give controlling interest in General Motors to the government, and it looks like it just might happen.
Popular culture tells us car salesmen are slimy people who can’t match their jackets to their pants and will do anything to get you behind the wheel of that slightly used car. But at this point, GM is not slightly used — it’s totaled. If the government were an experienced buyer, it would see the duct tape on the rear bumper and the $15 billion suspension system that won’t hold up for more than three months. The worst part is that we’ve just taken a test drive, and we’re already convinced we need to buy. To finish the analogy: It’s as if prom is coming up and Washington will do anything to get screwed in a red Corvette.
So, there’s a chance the good people of America might soon own controlling stock in GM. I guess it could be worse. Although I don’t own a car, it’s nice to know I might partially own a car company. Yet the government, despite the massive investment, has no interest in running GM. Instead, they’re looking to put a member on GM’s board to make sure nobody pulls a quick one on the taxpayers. Too late.
GM had their chance, and it looks like they’ll get a second one. But if the government steps in, it has to do so with a wetsuit on. This is a corporation with no idea how to function other than to hemorrhage money and kill off blue-collar jobs. I want to see the American automotive industry survive, but capitalism is cutthroat, not patient.
The real shame — beyond the obvious loss of money and jobs — is that by shutting down Pontiac, GM is shutting down a piece of American history. There was a time in this country when fuel efficiency was measured in gallons per mile and the only thing “smart” about cars was that they occasionally came with seat belts. The GTO may be the pinnacle of American machismo but it’s also the only reason your mom settled for your dad.
The auto industry dies a little more every day. That’s the horse we’ve been beating. And to tell the truth, it isn’t all that fun. Next time, let’s try to beat a dead car. By the time this is all over, horses might be our only mode of transportation.
Sean Kittridge ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in journalism.
