Good news for our beloved sodomite whorehouse: The Westboro Baptist Church will be paying us a long-overdue visit this Thursday at 11 a.m.

Apparently, University of Wisconsin’s ranking as one of the most LGBT-friendly campuses in the nation was the last straw on the camel’s back, plunging us into the depths of indecency, blasphemy and hedonism.

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WBC has hosted over 58,000 pickets in nearly 1,000 cities across the country, “conducting peaceful demonstrations opposing the f** lifestyle of soul-damning, nation-destroying filth.” Probably to their delight, WBC is a recognized hate group monitored by the Anti-Defamation League, which targets the LGBT community, Jews, Muslims, blacks people, American soldiers and pretty much anyone else they can get their grimy and ignorant hands on. Honestly, UW should be flattered that we are a campus demonstrating just enough tolerance and love to warrant their crude, sickening protest.

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Spend five minutes clicking around on their website and it becomes abundantly clear that not a soul associated with this colossal waste and humiliating stain on America has dedicated more than an iota of time thinking about God and religion. As evidenced by inflammatory language, referring to readers as “fools” and “degenerates,” the “church” — though it is painful to label them as such — mirrors the unquenchable thirst for attention of a screaming, young child.

At their protests, members flail around picket signs commanding passerby to mourn for their sins and prepare for the wrath of Jesus Christ. It is exceedingly difficult to pass up the opportunity to taunt them, take photographs or attempt to strike up conversation in the hopes that perhaps maybe one of the many will come to their senses. But it’s not worth the cost.

First of all, to interact with their message is to confirm that it is a valid opinion which warrants discussion. But it’s not. To partake in these conversations is not constructive dialogue. Their message doesn’t deserve to be dignified.

More importantly, giving WBC the time of day is much, much more than they deserve. They are known to shriek on street corners until it is nothing short of impossible to bite back, and then they snap right back with a lawsuit. In fact, WBC thrives on and relies on pushback to fund their campaigns. In the 1990s, the city of Topeka was forced to hand over over $40,000 for refusing to provide the demonstrators protection during a protest. WBC won over $100,000 following a lawsuit over a supposed violation of the First Amendment in Kansas.

According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, their protests are one of their many forms of income. While it’s apparent they are completely uneducated on the subject of God and religion, if there’s anything they know up and down, it’s their First Amendment rights. By filing lawsuits against cities and communities which prohibit their picketing, they scoop up thousands of dollars. Money which turns right back around to fund transportation for the next protest.

Ever since the Supreme Court ruled in 2011 following the WBC protest at the funeral of Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder that the right to protest superseded the family’s right to peace and freedom from emotional distress, the church has won battle after battle. In the case of Synder v. Phelps, the family was forced to pay the WBC over $16,000. Media attention is advantageous, and strife with well-intentioned, tolerant and kind-hearted people is like striking gold.

If you are LGBTQ+, a person of color or a girl wearing shorts, they will attempt to provoke you. Even an ounce of breath spent on them is a waste.

Their promo for Madison reads, “This road leads the young adults of this nation straight to Hell.”

Hopefully, our peace and apathy can lead the repulsive, vile adults of this nation straight out of Madison.

The LGBT Campus Center in the Red Gym will be open to all from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. for food, community and discussion.