On Dec. 24, Madisonians, just like the Whos of Whoville before them, will wake up to find out that Christmas has been stolen. Yes, just like in the classic tale in which he stars, the Grinch has managed to steal the very essence and meaning of Christmas. This time, the Grinch has stolen the magic that is the Lake Street McDonald's. Might as well cancel Christmas, Madison. McDonald's is closing.
The imminent loss of the Lake Street McDonald's is the latest slap in the face of the financially strapped college student. Our tuition increases far outpace inflation, and interest on our student loans continues to rise. The McDonald's dollar menu, however, has stoically served as an unyielding reminder of the benefits of globalization and underpaid workforces.
A line must be drawn, my friends.
On Dec. 3, I made a vow to Ronald McDonald himself (or at least some form of surrogate, for his hair was not red, nor was he wearing big red shoes), to eat at Lake Street McDonald's once a day until they close their doors for good. I made a vow to draw a line, and that line is to be drawn just outside of the Lake Street McDonald's. As of Monday, Dec. 11, I shall be on my ninth consecutive day of eating at Lake Street McDonald's. I believe that my strict adherence to a once-a-day McDonald's diet will raise awareness of the imminent departure of one of Madison's most treasured landmarks and, God willing, provoke a movement. But I'm no hero. I am merely a man. A man who has very little money and even fewer qualms about eating fast food every day. A man like you, I am the Everyman.
Who is this Everyman you ask? The Everyman is you, he's me, and she's my roommate and your roommate. He is the average overworked, underpaid, in debt college student. She is the desperately busy and unbearably tired freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior (super or otherwise) and a few penurious grad students. The Everyman is the under-sleeping, under-eating, overpaying student just trying to keep his head above water.
The Everyman cannot afford a $5 burrito from Chipotle or Qdoba. The Everyman does not have time to run home and cook a well-balanced, healthy meal in between classes. Such a suggestion is ridiculous and even offensive. The Everyman would rather not make the now frigid walk down State Street to the affordable Taco Bell, or the more distant Regent Street McDonald's location. The Everyman eats cheap and often unhealthy food that he has no right eating as often as he does. The Everyman knows that western society's greatest contribution to the 21st century is the $1 double cheeseburger.
Some would laugh at my sadness and desperation. I would respond that these people obviously possess uncharacteristically profuse financial assets. They are also most likely anarchists, and thus, cannot be trusted; after all, how does an anarchist attain profuse amounts of money? Perhaps by taking advantage of the low prices on the Lake Street McDonald's menu. Unfortunately for the Everyman, he won't be afforded the same opportunity to amass massive amounts of wealth, as the most accessible McDonald's within his reach will be closing in a matter of weeks.
I must speak of this injustice for there is truly no man more qualified to do so. The Lake Street McDonald's was my kitchen. I must write this column, not for myself, or the multi-billion dollar corporation that is McDonald's Corp., but for the Madisonian Everyman, who simply cannot afford to lose an accessible and affordable McDonald's.
Gone are the days of reasonably priced and over-salted fries. Gone are the days of grabbing double cheeseburgers with a friend and sneaking them into the Kohl Center for a men's basketball game. Gone are the days of a leisurely stroll from Memorial or College Library for a reasonably priced snack. No longer will I be able to enjoy my trademark bottomless Hi-C Orange Juice Powerade. Gone are those recognizable golden arches that signified cheap satisfaction and guilty pleasure. Gone is the shared experience of McDonald's. Gone. All gone.
I have said many goodbyes throughout my stay here in Madison. I have said goodbye to graduating friends and loved ones. I have said farewell to Barry Alvarez, Brian Calhoun and BCS dreams. Halloween as we know it and the No. 1 party school rating are long gone. However, on Dec. 23, I will say the most heart wrenching, unbelievable, mournful and reprehensible farewell I have ever had the egregious misfortune of saying. We will all say goodbye to a part of ourselves, a part of Madison. We will say goodbye to the McDonald's on Lake Street.
Gerald Cox ([email protected]) is a junior majoring in economics.
