The police blotter. We know you love it, so to reward all you loyal Digest readers, we’ve got the best and brightest (or dumbest) criminal moments from Fall 2001.

Man arrested after trying to fight officers for popcorn

Police arrested a man early Tuesday morning for causing a disturbance after stealing a bag of popcorn.

According to reports, Steven C. Schuh, 27, entered the PDQ gas station, 1400 Northport Dr., at approximately 12:10 a.m. and retrieved a $.99 bag of popcorn.

He reportedly began walking around the store while eating the popcorn. When the clerk told him he had to pay for the popcorn, Schuh refused and left the store with the popcorn after creating a minor disturbance.

Schuh was confronted by officers in the area while he was riding his bicycle.

When one of the officers asked Schuh what he wanted done with his bicycle, Schuh stated, “I’m going to kick you in the face,” and attempted to kick the officer.

Schuh then became resistant, spitting at the officers and physically fighting them.

Schuh also tried to kick out the squad’s window, causing damage to the doorframe.

He continued to be uncooperative at the jail and was booked on charges of retail theft, obstructing an officer, attempted battery to a police officer, criminal damage to property, possession of drug paraphernalia and disorderly conduct.

Santa, Jesus stolen from yard

Christmas may be on hold this year, as Santa and a reindeer were mysteriously abducted from the yard of a Madison residence.

According to the victims, two lighted lawn ornaments were taken from the yard between 11 p.m. and 12 a.m. Saturday night.

Along with Santa and his reindeer, a tasteful depiction of Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph was also spirited away under cover of darkness.

Anyone with information about the incident is urged to contact James Kent at 442-9472.

Man fires shots into floor to scare girlfriend

Police arrested a man Sunday after responding to a shots fired call at his residence.

According to reports, an investigation determined Raymond J.T. Pyle, 24, had been in an argument with his live-in girlfriend. He went into a back bedroom and fired two shots from a 40-caliber semi-automatic handgun into the floor to scare her.

Pyle was taken into custody without incident and was charged with domestic disorderly conduct while armed and domestic endangering safety by use of a dangerous weapon.

Pyle’s 23-year-old girlfriend was not injured in the incident.

Suspect bites female on cheek

Madison police are investigating a disturbance that resulted in injuries between two females on State Street early Sunday morning.

According to reports, UW senior Taniquelle Thurner, 24, said she accidentally bumped into the suspect in Madison Masala, 200 block of State Street, at about 12:25 a.m. as she walked past.

The suspect reportedly turned towards Thurner and became hostile, using foul, derogatory and racial comments.

Thurner told police she apologized repeatedly; however, the suspect continuously became hostile.

As the suspect continued to exchange profanities, the suspect eventually pulled Thurner’s head towards her and bit her in the right cheek area, causing puncture wounds.

Thurner was able to pull the suspect from her face to prevent further contact.

Thurner was later taken by ambulance to University Hospital where she was put on antibiotics after having her face flushed. The unidentified suspect fled from the scene.

The suspect is describes by police as an African-American female, 150 pounds with black hair. She was reportedly last seen wearing cheetah-print pants.

Driver hits seven cars while drunk

Police arrested a drunk driver Monday evening after the suspect hit several parked cars in the area.

According to reports, Mary Welcome, 49, was traveling inbound on East Washington Avenue when she struck a parked car in the 2000 block and kept going.

Welcome then proceeded onto East Gorham Street where she struck six parked vehicles and two fixed objects prior to being stopped at Frances Street and University Avenue.

Welcome was charged with hit-and-run, operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated and recklessly endangering safety.

No one was injured in the incident.

Two suspects arrested for beating ATM machine

Police arrested two suspects early Monday morning for allegedly beating an ATM machine.

According to reports, two witnesses observed a male suspect beating the ATM machine with an object while a vehicle circled the parking lot at 1800 W. Beltline Hwy.

The male suspect got back into the vehicle, which then left the area with one witness following.

Officers stopped the suspected vehicle on Todd Drive and West Beltline Highway.

A witness identified the occupant as the person striking the ATM.

The machine sustained damage from the incident, but no cash was removed.

Suspect arrested after stealing taxi

Officers responded to a robbery call early Sunday morning after a man stole a taxicab and injured the driver.

According to reports, Timothy S. Rose, along with two females, was picked up by Union Cab in the downtown area around 3:30 a.m. After the first female was dropped off at a West Side address, the cab drove to the second female’s address.

During the trip, Rose became unruly. Once at the second address, Rose attacked the cab driver, who suffered a broken arm. The driver was able to escape.

Rose then drove off with the cab. Officers were able to locate him a short time later. The victim was able to identify Rose.

Rose was charged with robbery, operating a vehicle without owner’s consent, substantial battery, disorderly conduct and operating a vehicle while intoxicated.

Hoodlums attack Regent Emeritus

Former student regent Joe Alexander was left bruised, but not broken, Sunday morning after an estimated three assailants allegedly mugged and clubbed the UW senior.

The assault occurred at approximately 3:25 a.m. as Alexander was walking home from Halloween festivities. The assailants allegedly took about $100 and struck Alexander with a 2-by-4.

Alexander sustained a blow to the face and wallet. Early reports indicate the popular regent’s ego remains intact.

Classic Blot from October 14, 2000:

Man gets hit in head by glass at bar

Police were called to Bullwinkle’s Pub, 624 University Ave. early in the morning to check on an injured man.

A bouncer said the victim, a 23-year-old Schaumburg, Ill., man, had been down on the dance floor when someone hurled a drinking glass from an upper level balcony and struck the victim in the head.

The victim, who was intoxicated and refusing treatment, said he had not witnessed the incident or suspect because he had his “tongue down some chick’s throat.” He said he did not even know he was bleeding until the girl said, “Oh my God! You’re bleeding!? He told authorities all he wanted to do was go home and order pizza.

The victim was seen three hours later at UW Hospital getting stitches.