Editor’s Note: This story is satirical.
In news of the heart, local student Stew Dent has been making waves with their incredibly strong recent campaign to let anyone on State Street know that, even though they are single, they are very supportive of the whole concept of Valentine’s Day, and don’t think that it’s their place to rain on its parade. In order to find out how such enlightenment could possibly be reached, the intrepid investigators of The Badger Herald Banter Section were allotted 24 hours leave from our padded, but reasonably comfortable rooms to get to the bottom of this very important matter.
We would find Stew explaining their revolutionary philosophy through a series of interpretive pieces of graffiti placed on brick walls throughout the city. Not wanting the existence of a reporter to prevent the raw, unfiltered philosophy of this person to be diluted by the appearance of the public eye, we went private eye. Seating ourselves in a bar across the street from the intense expressionism being created, we ordered a shot of gin, whiskey, vodka and two beers under the name “Guy Incognito” so as to avoid arousing suspicion.
After watching the artist complete their magnum opus, we made our way towards them to fully comprehend the creation.
“Yeah, what I’ve drawn here is two hills broken into separate halves,” Dent said of their new creation. “One half represents the idea of Valentine’s Day and the other represents the self. It means that we have a personal self separate from our romantic relationships, which is just as beautiful and valid as when those two things come together.”
Interested as to what other valuable insights Dent, in all of their wisdom, could possibly have, we attempted to interrogate more into the nature of the piece. But, we were rebuffed when they looked away from us, and made some mysterious sniffling sounds. After a moment, Dent collected themself.
“This interview is over,” Dent said as they strode quickly away.