Editors note: these are NOT valid forms for proof of address. We are being funny. Please visit vote.wisc.edu to see valid proof of address options.
It’s Nov. 8, and everyone is heading to the polls. It’s obviously stressful. You have to choose which kind of sticker you get afterward because they keep on tripling the amount of options every year, but you also have to help save democracy. Tough choices.
I walked around the University of Wisconsin today and asked different people what they were using to register themselves at polling places. You might find some of their answers surprising — vulgar, even — but they’re all extremely valid.
1. Underage drinking ticket
Nothing is more valid than this federal document proving you for sure broke the law. You might get street cred with your poll worker with this one. You’ll look so cool. Or it’ll expose you for not being able to run from police that one night in City Bar. Too soon?
2. Fake ID
Poll places don’t scan, this will work!
3. Wiscard
Your student ID doubles for a zip code actually, didn’t you know?
4. IMLeagues pass
If you have signed up for this semester or full year pass, you not only gain access to Wisconsin intramural sports, but also U.S. enfranchisement.
5. Antidepressant prescription bottle
This is a great way to prove to your poll workers you live in the area and you also are pro-mental health. Chances are the person who checks you off is taking the same medication, isn’t that crazy and beautiful?
6. ASM bus pass
So, the ASM bus pass doesn’t have your address, but it does only work for the Madison metro system, so it implies residence. This is foolproof.
7. Restraining order
Again, a government official document is one of the best ways to validate your address when registering for your vote. You might get some weird looks at your polling place, but it’s worth it to speak your truth behind the booth.
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8. Adam and Eve confirmation code
Wow, why are you shopping here? Inappropriate … anyway your profile address on that confirmation code is a great way to show people you live where you say you do.
9. Adam and Eve advent calendar mobile receipt
Oh you just can’t get enough of this place, can you? Show up with that mobile receipt.
10. Toys for Tots tax write off
Show you have a heart while also showing you have an address with this great, IRS-official, really awesome document. Toys for Tots might be canceled. If they are, don’t use this.
11. Red Cross donor ID (only valid if there’s blood on it)
Donor ID to prove your name, blood to prove it’s actually you. Polling places now have PCR DNA tests on site for this reason — isn’t that so great?
12. Change your personal identity
As long as you’re able to case the address book beforehand, you could definitely just pick one of those names and their address, then put it all on in your MyUW account.
13. Your dog’s collar tag
If you share a last name, this will work.
