Imagine this — the conversation is sizzling, flirtation at an all-time high and the sexual chemistry is novelistic to that of 50 Shades’ measly scribblings. If you’re lucky, or maybe just more intelligent than the rest, you’ve dodged the basic hometown/how was your day questionnaire with the new potential hottie.
But of course, as these conversations blend together at the University of Wisconsin’s relatively frequent social mixers, the new potential hottie (or nottie) wants to get to know your unique self.
So what better way than to utter the words, “what’s your major?” Or better yet, “what’s your major (insert something funny here lol)?” Here is your go-to guide on the hottest areas of study at UW, based on student responses.
P.S. If you haven’t declared a major yet, use this guide to aid in your future academic endeavors.
Top ranked nottest majors:
1. Computer Science
Let’s start with the — cough cough — “notties.” Of course, we can’t generalize to every individual CS major. But, there is strong consensus, as well as backed-up-by-science evidence that CS majors don’t make them panties drop. In a research study of a whopping 46 respondents, 54% ranked Computer Science as the least attractive major.
“Computer science majors are stinky,” one respondent said. There is something just oh-so-NOT about sitting at a computer all day and not showering. Respondents have also deemed CS majors as “nerds” and “sexless” — OOF! But, don’t fret my computer geeks, get some soap and maybe exfoliate a little bit, because this article is about to get steamy!
2. Agricultural/dairy sciences
Okay, let’s get this one out of the way. Coming in “not” at our number two least hot area of study is all about them cowssss. I have to be honest, I really forgot this was a thing, but we are in Wisconsin and must give credit where it is due. To all of my farm baddies out there, we love you and appreciate our beloved cheese, however, “lactation physiology” makes this major a complete and “udder” red flag. Ag. and dairy sciences can stick to animal teets for now.
3. Any of the maths
“Math majors can solve everything except where the clit is,” one respondent said. While this information cannot be confirmed or denied, math is probably one of the most mid majors ever to exist. Similar to CS majors, working with numbers all day apparently doesn’t warrant showering. We appreciate all you do for society (math is important after all), but the only numbers you’ll be getting are for your calculator. 🙁
Honorable mentions:
Art — DON’T draw me like one of your French girls.
Comm Arts — RUN BABE — you’re better off.
“It’s 2022, intelligence is sexy as hell,” one respondent said. So, let’s regain some hope for society and switch to our hotties!
Record levels of incest after “House of Dragon” episode seven airs
Top ranked hottest majors:
1. Business/finance
These majors can merge together, as both suffer from crippling narcissism. Though we hate to see it, business and finance majors have been ranked THE hottest majors on campus. With wide consensus, these majors are “assholes but hot.” There is just something so eye-catching about a douchey business major, and tragically, especially the ones who think they’re the shit.
We try and try to avoid these hotties like the plague, yet we can’t get enough of them. According to one respondent, “You can never go wrong with a business major, though it is probably their main topic of conversation.” Like the Wolf of Wall Street poster hanging in the corner of their apartments, business and finance majors definitely know how to pin something up against a wall. 😉
2. Pre-med/nursing
It’s time to get Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy up in here because these medical miracles are HOT! These future doctors and nurses were ranked number two in the hottest majors on campus. Though certified in mouth-to-mouth, one respondent says they’re hard to date.
“Pre-med is arguably the most toxic group on campus,” one student said. “You’ll spend the entirety of your first bumble date hearing about their five-year plan.”
These majors may be type-A annoying, but they sure know their anatomy. 😉
3. Engineering
Don’t get your panties in a bunch, engineers — we’ve lumped you into one category to humble you. While we still don’t know what you all do, we definitely think you know how to work the mechanics. Engineering was ranked third for hottest majors, because hey, we still love the dad bods! Though conversation isn’t engineers’ strongest asset, they definitely give future hubby and wifey material. Stay in school and make that money babes because that shit is sexy!
4. Poli-sci/economics/international relations
As a political science major myself … trust me. But seriously, these majors all are the same type of person. As number four on our hot list, these majors give basic but mildly attractive — with some outliers of course. These majors can be hit or miss, just stay clear of the cray-cray ones (there are many of them)! To emphasize, do not start an argument with these people, they are scary!!
“Poli sci majors have so many red flags,” said one student. These majors know their way around the market economy — and are high in demand for sure.
Honorable mentions:
Psychology — “clinically insane”
Pre-Law — Legally HOT (but don’t pick a fight with them)
Now, we may have missed some baddies out there, but give me a break people. I’m not in the J-school — I’m doing hot girl shit! Like myself, if you fall under the hottie category — congratulations! If not, don’t beat yourself up, there is still time to slay, and well, maybe shower more? That’s all for now — stay smart out there you sexy Badgers!
Editor’s Note: J-school girlies are on the HOT list. Sincerely, a J-school girlie.
