Just days after the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II, Harry Styles was found outside Buckingham palace covered in gore and carrying King Charles’ head on a stick.
“He was too weak for the throne, so I took it,” Styles cackled. “I sawed off his old, fragile head. I rule Westeros now. Me! Harry. Fucking. Styles!”
Though it has only been a day since Styles killed King Charles, Briton’s initial response seems to be that of jubilation. Millions gathered in front of Buckingham Palace to play “As It Was” in support of the Style reign.
One of his most adamant supporters, Sarah Teahouse, said Styles is cuter and way more talented than King Charles.
Freshman gets caught holding open door at Memorial Union, misses first week of school
“YASS I SUPPORT QUEEN STYLES,” Teahouse said. “I LOVE THIS FOR HIM. I LOVE THIS FOR BRITAIN.”
Others were more cautious in their endorsement. Benedict Cummingham said that, though he disagrees with Style’s tactics, he thinks Styles has a good point.
“When you really think about it mate, modern day royalty is really just a blank canvas for us Brits to project our national identity on,” Cummingham said. “And, I don’t know about you, mate, but I’d rather project myself onto Harry Styles.”
King Styles could not be reached for interview, but in the celebration concert he threw on the roof of Buckingham Palace, he said he would be taking himself as his bride, to “keep the bloodline pure.”
After a spectacular performance of “Watermelon Sugar,” Styles said he had been considering going for the throne for a long time.
“I will sit on the iron throne for all eternity!” Styles shouted. “Enough with old, ugly kings and queens. I will clone myself! And when I turn 35 my clone will kill me — I will be King forever, you see! MWAHAHHAHA! Now let’s give it up for this chap right here. Does your sign say you’re proposing? Really? That’s wonderful, mate. And is that your girl? Amazing.”
Monarchy experts say Styles was probably inspired by the Game of Thrones spin-off “House of Dragons,” in which several characters fight to rule the seven kingdoms, despite none of them actually being qualified.
