Friday, the University of Wisconsin announced Donald Lipski’s “Nail’s Tales” sculpture is set to be removed from its Camp Randall location prior to the start of the 2019 football season.
Immediate reactions were mixed, with some mourning the loss of the phallic structure while others rejoiced in speculation of what might replace it. I fall in the latter camp. Here’s what I want to see welcoming Badger fans into Camp Randall’s friendly confines — and by Badger fans, I mean those lucky enough to win the student voucher lottery.
A hockey sculpture
I know, it doesn’t seem like a hockey sculpture should be outside Camp Randall when the hockey teams play at the Kohl Center and La Bahn Arena. So? Wisconsin hockey is a beacon of consistency in this ever-changing world, especially the women’s hockey team. Footballs, on the other hand, can be a very volatile subject, especially when axes disappear from Madison. A tower of pucks outside of Camp Randall will be a constant reminder of strength and power elsewhere on campus as disappointed Badger fans leave games, which is exactly what Barry Alvarez himself wanted to project with the “Nail’s Tales” sculpture to begin with.
All 85 Bucky on Parade statues in a row
I miss the Bucky statues from last summer! It was so fun accidentally walking straight into one of them whenever I walked down State Street. The shining disgruntled Buckys livened my summer, leaving a dreary part of my heart when they were removed. Having every Bucky lined up in a row outside Camp Randall will brighten every mood in the plaza. Besides, I have unfinished business with superhero Bucky.
The world’s smallest Culver’s
While the world’s largest Culver’s is just a short trip down the highway away from UW in Milton, downtown Madison has yet to receive a Culver’s of its own. With the newfound vacancy, now is the perfect moment for Culver’s to sweep in with a new franchise location. Enough space is available for a kiosk stocked with custard pints and fryers for cheese curds. The new restaurant will also allow UW students to finally redeem the dollar off of their Scoopie sundae when they attend football games instead of letting the coupon go to waste.
Just a big puddle
Flooding has, uh, been an issue in Madison lately. Cleared spaces for water are needed more than ever, and boy, this space could hold quite a great puddle. Imagine a space for water to go that isn’t the Chemistry Building. What a concept.