Reports from Birge Hall Monday indicate another world record may have been broken on campus.
Professor Ida Hilde, set back by tangents about her puppies in previous lectures, managed to deliver an entire week’s worth of content in ten minutes. This required Hilde to spit out approximately 12 syllables per second to cover the content efficiently and thoroughly. Since Hilde loudly proclaimed to her students she did not short change any explanations for the sake of their studying, this means she easily surpassed Twista’s 1992 world record of 11.2 syllables per second.
Lyrical inspiration is also not a problem for Professor Hilde, as she is well versed in the types of perennials able to be grown in Wisconsin. Compelling verses such as “I show my age when I talk about Russian sage, color isn’t beige, it’s lilac. Don’t give me flak when I attack you with my Stella D’Oro tact,” are speculated to be found on her new mixtape.
“I’m really proud I will soon be able to list my fire mixtape on my curriculum vitae,” Hilde said. “Surely it will aid in my grant proposals.”
Hilde believes she will be able to fit recording time into her schedule, noting it may take her an extra few days to grade her students’ papers.
The potential for their professor to rise among the ranks of the nation’s greatest rappers has garnered mixed reviews from her students. Some welcome the new career with open arms. Christina Thompson, for one, is excited for Hill’s new single to drop.
“I think it’s really awesome our professors here can try new things, even if they are borne out of not following the syllabus at all,” she notes. “I’m also just the tiniest bit hopeful she’ll give me extra credit if I stream her on Spotify.”
While some are hopeful for the release, others are not happy the record was created in the first place.
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Derek Ford, another one of Professor Hilde’s students, is appalled by the circumstances which led to the fire word-spitting.
“I’m still pretty salty I sat through five slideshows of her new labradoodle puppy, yet missed the one class she actually taught us something,” Ford said.
Expect to see Hilde’s mixtape Bops About Butterfly Bush streaming on Spotify soon.
