Madison Civil Engineering responded to a call at early o’clock Monday at the “Walk sign is ON to cross University” block of East Campus Mall.
The engineers came to retrieve a phone from a gutter near the intersection, which the student journalist lamented contained an hour-long interview for a feature she had yet to fully realize and an interview in progress.
The gutter contained the phone due to a cyclist speeding through a red light despite the magical pole saying, “Walk sign is ON to cross University” and the student journalist, distracted by the intense phone interview about marching band, did not see the cyclist.
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At the time of the incident, the journalist was more stressed about her feature’s well being than her own, asking for the civil engineers to arrive before considering if she should be medically evaluated.
“I just really wanted my feature to be as thorough as possible,” the student journalist said, with minimal regard to the fact she knows upper management will have to read this quote. “There were some really good nuggets I couldn’t possibly replicate unless I turned into Mike Leckrone himself.”
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Luckily for the student journalist, the interviewee was unaware that the journalist was crying on the pavement of University Avenue and continued to answer her questions for an additional two minutes, providing great new content for the feature.
With the help of a pickaxe, the engineers retrieved the phone for the student journalist, which retained screen injuries but an intact memory of both interviews.
The unnamed cyclist is happy to repay the shooketh student journalist with a venti, double-shot on ice from Starbucks, which she was downing when the bike impacted her.
In recovery, the student journalist is doing alright, but the incident has caused her to write fake incident reports instead of working on her feature.
