It’s 2017 and “Basicness” has finally covered all its bases.
Basic Basic
Hobbies include: Rihanna vs. Beyoncé Cyc rides, binge-watching “Friends,” taking BuzzFeed quizzes to see which “Friend” she is, taking BuzzFeed quizzes to see which “One Tree Hill” character she is, wearing Canada Goose in September.
Claims to love: Sunday brunch at Dlux with her bitches.
Actually loves: Motherfucking Sunday brunch at Dlux with her bitches.
Can be found: Strutting down Bascom on her way to Forage before she literally dies of hunger.
Alternative Indie Basic
Hobbies include: Ordering an excessive number of Arctic Monkeys posters, bumming cigs, rejecting religion, checking her horoscope.
Claims to love: just talking about life and the universe and shit.
Actually loves: “Look What You Made Me Do” by Taylor Swift.
Can be found: Camped out in College Library watching makeup tutorials on YouTube for a “winged cat eye.”
Intellectual Basic
Hobbies include: Majoring in English for shits, wearing turtlenecks, spontaneously getting bangs, posting a VSCO-filtered Instagram in honor of the new cut.
Claims to love: Aristotle, “Hamlet,” black coffee.
Actually loves: Her trust fund, the “Percy Jackson” series.
Can be found: Just kind of sitting in Paul’s Bookstore on State Street for hours on end.
Crunchy Granola Basic
Hobbies include: Being vegan.
Claims to love: Being vegan.
Actually loves: Telling people she’s vegan.
Can be found: Browsing tapestries at Sunshine Daydream.
Fake Social Justice Warrior Basic
Hobbies include: Reposting The New York Times articles on Facebook, drafting lengthy posts about women’s rights, listening to podcasts for days.
Claims to love: Hillary Clinton, Free the Nip.
Actually loves: Carly Fiorina (jk, of course).
Can be found: Seven shots deep at any given frat on Langdon Street threatening to throw hands at any given Republican.
