After a semester of studying scatology, the study of excrement and excretion, I decided it was time to pursue my dreams and attend graduate school.

Seeking out the Scatology Department in the Medical Sciences Center was actually a major challenge, and as the University of Wisconsin is a top research facility, one would hope the department is big and stinky.

The men’s Scatology Department bathroom was on the first floor and terribly labeled, and took me about 10 minutes of wandering to finally discover it. Arbitrarily placed in the hall, it was nowhere near the women’s department — completely uncharacteristic of typical grad school ingenuity.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, the Scatology Department is the bathroom.

Daniel Chinitz/The Badger Herald

Where the Medical Sciences Center makes up for the time it takes to find the crap lab, there lies an untouched paradise of tile.

Offering great levels of privacy for both shitters and pissers, going there is quite relaxing. However, where every up has its down, there is a trade-off on privacy for space, making the Medical Sciences’ bathroom quite cramped. The tight squeeze of Medical Sciences’ results in one urinal and two stalls — enough for a quick break in a day filled with research.

Daniel Chinitz/The Badger Herald

Lucky for the grad students and faculty, there seems to be a generally lower amount of people in the building, so one can push logs in peace.

On top of the immediate facilities, Medical Sciences also offers a terrace in front of the mirror, in case someone needs to place something down while washing their hands. This platform is great for grad students who spend hours doing research, offering them a place to brush one’s teeth or shave if need be.

Structurally and aesthetically, Medical Sciences takes the cake for small building bathrooms. Where the geniuses in the university’s research department have fallen through is on practicalities of toilet paper. I’ve never before witnessed toilet paper this wide and this thin, and like grad student life, this toilet paper is rough.

Daniel Chinitz/The Badger Herald

The Medical Sciences Center bathroom has many faults that are hopefully due to their current stages of renovations. It’s design is unique and quite fresh, but this university needs a research grant for new toilet paper, because these grad students are struggling.

Temperature: Standard temperature and pressure

Traffic: Little to none

Stalls: Two quiet little abodes

Toilet Paper: Not a good time

Sinks: Three manual standards

Dryers: One paper towel dispenser

Cell Service: Yes

Placement: Unclearly marked, tough to find

Overall: 3.75/5