Halloween is right around the corner and if you need a quick costume idea and an astrological reading, you’ve come to the right place.

Find out what your sign says about your Halloween costume.

Aries: A shoehorn

Aries tend to be over-caring and love to show everybody how much they care about random things, like the environment or locally harvested pinecone butter. A shoehorn costume is the perfect fit for someone who probably cares enough to use a shoehorn.

Taurus: A 99 cent store

Tauruses are stubborn. You know who’s even more stubborn? That clerk at the dollar store where you probably found some expired candy from Y2K. A fun crafty tip is to actually go to the dollar store and BUY some stuff for your costume. Now that’s method acting. Take that, Jared Leto!

Gemini: A high school drama teacher

Gemini tend to be two-faced so why not be the fakest person alive. Nothing says Halloween like an English degree, big hair, two past marriages and a late night production of “The Crucible.” Remember to wear a cat eye or some sort of winged eyeliner that says, “I’m desperate for a life-partner and some juicy gossip about 17-year-olds”

Cancer: A gherkin

Cancers tend to be emotional about things that just seem like an inconvenience to you: traffic, anthropoids, sequin dresses, crippling depression. Maybe the reflection of that is a pickled cucumber.

Note: My mother is a Cancer.

Leo: The “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” banana

Leos are a nostalgic group, and in this day and age where memes are the only form of communication, be a nostalgic meme! “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” is a timeless classic and all you need is a banana costume and some maracas, so have fun.

Virgo: A Scorpio

Virgos tend to drape themselves in human emotion and analyze things, so maybe try shoving that existential dread in your head and be someone else on Halloween! Maybe your Scorpio best friend?

Libra: A Beanie Baby

Libra is the leader among leaders and Beanie Babies were the leaders of the economy’s downfall in 1998. This costume would be an homage to both Ronald Reagan and Vladmir Putin.

Scorpio: A Taxidermist

Just like how Scorpio bottles up emotions, a taxidermist bottles up carcasses with stuffing. Perhaps a trip to your neighborhood animal farm can give you some inspiration for your couture look.

Sagittarius: A Lamp

Sagittarius are like the librarians of the signs: resourceful, old, cranky, may have been a flight attendant at some point and smart. You see that old lampshade your aunt gave you as a high school graduation present? Well, poke some eye holes in it to spite her and you got yourself a costume! Try some glow in the dark make up for an added effect.

Capricorn: Toaster Oven

Just like how determined Capricorn is to making their dreams a reality, a toaster oven is determined to toasting the edges of a whole wheat chicken panino. You should try making a panino and using it as a prop throughout your Halloween party. If you get hungry, that’s two birds with one stone.

Aquarius: Mario Party 5

Aquarius love to spread joy but are tend to be bad at keeping deep relationships. A symbolic representation of that would be the GameCube classic, Mario Party 5. Just find a copy from your friend, put a chain on it, and string it around your neck like the hero you want to be. Add a hat or something fun like gloves. Fact: This game was known to end friendships, marriages and unofficial clergy relationships back in 2004.

Pisces: A Clam

Pisces are very grown up. Clams are for grown ups. You do the math.