Madison residents revere the man like Gotham does Batman.
His cape flaps at length in the wind, a standard of freedom for all. His scooter is mighty, a vehicle befitting a king. His nude thighs shine in the Wisconsin sun, drawing the attention of all those nearby.
The hero in question is, of course, Thong Cape Scooter Man.
His name says it all — this Madison resident has made a name for himself riding the roads of the isthmus in an eye-catchingly minimalist outfit consisting of a thong, a cape and a helmet. Occasionally his getup varies by season or holiday, incorporating a skeleton or stuffed monkey passenger, as well as an array of colorful capes.
Though the man has amassed more than 5,000 likes on Facebook, much about him remains a mystery. Who is this mystery motorist? Where are his pants? Were they stolen? Who will buy him a new pair?
We took to the internet to learn more about this free-wheeling character, and discovered his Twitter, @Maddogbry.
Two things became immediately obvious:
- His name is Bryan.
- His madness extends beyond the scooter.
We’ve cultivated highlights from a year’s worth of tweets to help all of you get to know this local hero.
Bryan’s darling children
My kids… pic.twitter.com/BBTiz4qpcU
— Bryan (@Maddogbry) April 11, 2016
Conclusion: Bryan married a bird. What occupies the rest of his home? Is it similarly filled with birds? Does he have human children? This raises more questions than it answers.
Bryan tries out hashtags
I have not seen any Star Wars films… …am I to be considered weird?#Star Wars — Bryan (@Maddogbry) December 19, 2015
A for effort, Bryan! Is not watching Star Wars weird? Not really. Is donning a thong and riding around in public weird? Maybe. But don’t stop.
Bryan’s puzzles
Ok people, tell me. Does anyone know what these are? I do… pic.twitter.com/XYmLNW9uYF
— Bryan (@Maddogbry) June 29, 2015
What are these devices? Are they food? We don’t know either. What about the tiny metal plate beside them? Is that food? Is it a bad frisbee? We hope you get your answers soon.
Bryan’s pizza preferences
Pizza hut super supreme…very good pizza. — Bryan (@Maddogbry) August 22, 2015
Gonna have a super supreme Pizza Hut pizza… Best pizza in Madison!
— Bryan (@Maddogbry) October 24, 2015
Pizza for lunch… …super supreme thin crust extra crispy Best in town #pizzahut — Bryan (@Maddogbry) April 12, 2016
If nothing else, Bryan is a man of consistency. From what we can tell, Pizza Hut’s super supreme pizza has steadily climbed the culinary ranks to become Bryan’s favorite pizza in town.
Whatcha smelting, Bryan?
Got me 2 pewter candle holders this morn for 2 bucks. I will melt them down… pic.twitter.com/AJWza8nKWX — Bryan (@Maddogbry) July 26, 2015
A smelter? Bargain-priced candlesticks? Something mysterious is at play here. What’s going on?
…… oh.
Made an aluminum casting this afternoon I call “love head”. This was a lost foam process. Still practicing. pic.twitter.com/PIssiJqGr5
— Bryan (@Maddogbry) September 15, 2015
Delightful! I’m glad I followed through with this.
Bryan’s big adventure
Fishing Naturally Caught three smallmouths today pic.twitter.com/lojQUWd2Wn — Bryan (@Maddogbry) May 1, 2015
It seems that Bryan’s eccentric taste in clothing (or lack thereof) applies to many avenues of his life. There’s no better part of being in nature than getting a mosquito bite on your scrotum!
Holiday season for Bryan
Just fucking around…
… Z Z BRY pic.twitter.com/p6MqGJEWRa— Bryan (@Maddogbry) December 19, 2015
We’re sorry about this. Happy holidays!
