The Boston Globe
With Sen. Bernie Sanders, D-Vermont, in Madison for another day, this is an ample opportunity to show him around campus for the night.
Seems pretty likely that Sanders is down for the get-down, but before you throw him the rager he’s aching for, keep a couple of our best tips in mind.
- Roll a fat blunt and insist that anyone who hits it must shout “FEEL THE BERN” until at least one other partygoer responds in support.
- Charge $5 a cup for the average American, but hike it up to $1,000 a cup for the millionaires and billionaires.
- Replace the phrase “shotgunning a beer” with “wage raising a beer.”
- Use Wop money to provide free party health care (buckets, glasses of water and hair ties) for everyone else.
- Discount if you arrive to the party by public transportation or carpool.
- Free entry if you bring at least one homeless person.
- Free entry if you bring someone that is Muslim, black, an immigrant or marginalized on any conceivable social, economic or political level.
- Share the wealth! Collect wallets, watches, assorted jewelry, gold cavity caps and cell phones, and distribute evenly among party patrons.
- Include “We Shall Overcome” from Sanders’ 1987 folk album every three songs on the party playlist. Respond to any complaint with “we do not negotiate with billionaires.”
- Lights out by 8:30 so Sanders can brush his teeth and get in bed on time.
