With Sen. Bernie Sanders, D-Vermont, in Madison for another day, this is an ample opportunity to show him around campus for the night.

Seems pretty likely that Sanders is down for the get-down, but before you throw him the rager he’s aching for, keep a couple of our best tips in mind.

 

  1. Roll a fat blunt and insist that anyone who hits it must shout “FEEL THE BERN” until at least one other partygoer responds in support.
  2. Charge $5 a cup for the average American, but hike it up to $1,000 a cup for the millionaires and billionaires.
  3. Replace the phrase “shotgunning a beer” with “wage raising a beer.”
  4. Use Wop money to provide free party health care (buckets, glasses of water and hair ties) for everyone else.
  5. Discount if you arrive to the party by public transportation or carpool.
  6. Free entry if you bring at least one homeless person.
  7. Free entry if you bring someone that is Muslim, black, an immigrant or marginalized on any conceivable social, economic or political level.
  8. Share the wealth! Collect wallets, watches, assorted jewelry, gold cavity caps and cell phones, and distribute evenly among party patrons.
  9. Include “We Shall Overcome” from Sanders’ 1987 folk album every three songs on the party playlist. Respond to any complaint with “we do not negotiate with billionaires.”
  10. Lights out by 8:30 so Sanders can brush his teeth and get in bed on time.