7:50 a.m. – It’s a beautiful February morning and my legs beg to be free. The snow plows came by last night, but I say it’s shorts weather.
8:12 a.m. – I think I will wear my nice gym shorts today. People will be impressed.
8:13 a.m. – Better be prepared in case a pickup basketball game breaks out in a puddle of icy slush.
8:39 a.m. – Nobody will take a Snapchat of me with the temperature filter today.
9:51 a.m. – It’s nice to have a fresh breeze on my legs. Shorts were the right call today.
10:48 a.m. – I love my calves. My calves are the best calves in the entire world.
12:04 p.m. – Got jostled in the lunch line and spilled corn chowder all over my legs. Luckily, most of it fell on my bare shins, which I can easily lick clean. This must have been an act of providence.
12:52 p.m. – I’ve been getting a lot of scowls from idiots wearing pants. They are probably upset they didn’t think to wear shorts.
1:31 p.m. – God. My Calves. I know I mentioned them before, but I love these calves of mine to the moon and back.
2:25 p.m. – I’m a fashion god. Everyone else looks like shit, but I look awesome. I really outdid myself today.
3:40 p.m. – A guy passed me and said, “Nice shorts, jackass.” I get compliments like that all the time.
4:19 p.m. – It’s getting a lot colder than it was this morning. My legs kind of hurt now, but it’s OK because everyone gets to see my darling calves.
5:23 p.m. – Just passed another guy wearing shorts on my way home. I said hello but he was listening to Kid Rock very loudly on his phone and did not hear me. I’m a little hurt, but I know I’ll be OK.
5:31 p.m. – Finally home! Time to change into my lounge shorts.
6:54 p.m. – I hate to have things cover my shins. Good thing I wore these shorts, and I am also hairless like a snake. Like a man who is a snake. A snake man.
7:12 p.m. – Today has been a long day of displaying my terrific bare legs. It’s time to massage these wonderful legs that I love to show off!
8:32 p.m. – I think everyone who saw my shorts today has a lot of respect for me. I am stronger than them.
9:51 p.m. – I wish I had someone from California in my biology lab so I could tell them about how cold Wisconsin gets.
11:30 p.m. – Bedtime for this handsome shorts-wearer! I will dream of displaying these good legs of mine tomorrow.
