Spread those legs wide open! We are in for a full course meal of the genitalia from front to back!
Asking for it: There are oral lovers, and then there are some who just don’t like it. Let’s say your partner isn’t interested in sharing this intimate act with you. Take a minute to take a deep breath and remember that most of the time, when a person isn’t interested in something, it rarely has to do with their partner.
In a non-bedroom setting you should sit down and talk (we love to make you communicate) about why you want to share oral sex with your partner and listen to why they aren’t interested. Perhaps a past lover was condescending to them and they feel inadequate. Perhaps they’re nervous about a smell or taste, or they aren’t sure how to approach your particular genitalia. If your partner is important to you and won’t change his or her position, respect his or her boundaries. There are plenty of other sexual positions to enjoy!
Returning the favor: We’ve often heard it said that you have to return the favor. We have a lot of issues with this statement. First it indicates your sexual interactions are like fiscal transactions. “Tit for tat” is no way to build a meaningful relationship. In fact, if the only reason you’re giving oral is so you can receive it, you’re missing the point. Sex should be enjoyable. When you genuinely enjoy what you’re doing, it shows. Don’t like to suck dick? Ask yourself why. Does it make you feel cheap, or like your partner doesn’t respect you? Did you ever ask them how it makes them feel? You might be surprised by the answer.
You also don’t have to finish what you start. You can use oral as an appetizer to your sexual entr?e. By working up to oral, you may find it more enjoyable. Perhaps you’ll begin to find pleasure in pleasuring your partner if you know you only have to be “down there” for five minutes. A note to the receiver: Nothing makes a person feel better than glowing reviews. Using positive feedback can make your partner feel like a rock star in bed and can make your sex life legendary.
69: A position that requires more than a few proverbial tools in your belt. The act of 69-ing is something best done with a plan in mind. First and foremost, you have to be very comfortable with the idea of your ass being at your partner’s eye level. It’s also good to make sure the position you choose is one you have the flexibility and stamina to maintain. Some partners spend most of their sex time on their backs, and 69-ing in the kneeling table position can be a change.
There are three logical ways to get it on in this position: the kneeling table with partner A on top, the table with partner B on top, and the yin yang. The kneeling table is when one partner kneels over the other partner. The partner on the bottom positions their head between their partner’s legs for access to the genitals. There are some complications to consider. If one partner has a longer torso than the other you can end up better suited for orally pleasuring someone’s belly button. It can also be rough on the knees depending on the location — the bed is softer than the floor. Consider whoever is on the bottom as well. They are getting a mouthful they may not be able to control as easily. Setting tapping signals will inform your partner to move a little slower or move over even when your mouth is busy.
The other option is the yin yang. This position involving laying side to side takes some “Kama Sutra”-esque maneuvering to get into. Each person rests their head between their partner’s thighs. It may take a little accommodation and practice to feel comfortable licking sideways if you normally spend your time on your knees. Arms can be used to stroke your partner’s back and sides.
Analingus: Oral sex on the anus can be extremely sensual and bring some people to orgasm. Poop is minimal if you and your partner are potty trained and wipe. All three positions described above can be used for analingus. Of course, just laying on your tummy as your partner spreads your butt cheeks can be very effective as well.
Concentration: It can take a lot of focus to orgasm when you’re dividing your attention between giving good oral and getting it. Some might lose their ability to come. We like to remind everyone that doing something fun in bed doesn’t mean you have to come. You can always use 69-ing to spice up the transition into your standard oral/anal/vaginal routine.
Spitting/swallowing or kissing after: The issues in this section are terribly personal. Just because you don’t want to swallow doesn’t mean you’re being square. Respecting your partner’s wishes is key. A fun alternative can be letting your partner come on you in a fun and flirty sort of way that you both enjoy. Of course, coming on the sheets can be just as hot.
If you’re planning on spitting, have a pre-planned vessel to spit into — this way you avoid the awkward walk to the dorm sink with a mouth full of spunk.
STIs: Oral sex can transmit gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia and syphilis. Solution: Sex dams and condoms! Condoms and sex dams come in great colors, flavors and scents. Add lube on the receiver side for greater wetness. Add whipped cream or chocolate syrup to the performer side and make oral even more delicious.
The subjects above are just hors d’oeuvres. Add some fingers, toys and/or fruit (just watch out for the sugar) to finish off the meal. Enjoy!
This article was written by Suzie Baker and Nicolette Pawlowski. Suzie is a sexual health education coordinator and wannabe homemaker, and Nicolette is a graduate student in EPS and a sexual health educator. Comments? Questions? E-mail: [email protected].
