The school year is finally winding down, and people are starting to pack for their summer trips abroad, for their new schools or for home. In keeping with the theme of graduation (congratulations graduates!) and/or moving on, it seems appropriate to discuss a topic pertinent to those of us who will be leaving someone behind — long-distance relationships. Whether a study abroad trip left you with a hot foreign partner, you or a partner are in the military, or you are still dating a high school sweetheart who went to a different school, many people have experienced or are currently in a long-distance relationship.
Of course this exists on a spectrum. Some of us are fortunate enough to have our partners relatively close, like in Milwaukee, while others have to pay $2,000 and hop on a plane to see our lovers. Why in the world would anyone be crazy enough to maintain a long-distance relationship? Well I could be clich? and say “love knows no boundaries,” but in fact it can be hella hard to have to rely only on verbal communication. Let’s face it — not having sexual activity with our significant other is quite a feat. What distinguishes a friend from a lover, in my opinion, is the intimacy and the physical attraction aspect. We want to get hot and bothered with our partners. So how can a relationship sustain not being physically close to one another??
If two people really feel they are meant to be, there are ways to stay together. When my parents were in college, my dad studied in Mexico for an entire year and they relied on snail mail and are still together today, married 31 years. Of course this was decades before iPhones and Skype. Snail mail can still be a wonderful option. Getting a package from your French lover with chocolates and a love letter can make you swoon all over again.
But luckily for our generation, we have technology. Thankfully webcams and Skype were created, so distant lovers can literally enjoy sexual endeavors with each other and can enjoy actually seeing one another rather than AIM chatting or talking on the phone. Hopefully wherever you or your partner is there is a quality Internet connection. Start with mutually masturbating or watching the same porn. Planning a detailed outline of what is going to happen when the two of you meet up. Additionally, “sexts” (sex texts) can help keep sexual energy high.
One of the beauties of webcam sex (masturbating at the same time, strip teases, etc.) is that primping isn’t required. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t showered in awhile or haven’t shaved your legs. There is no worry about how you are going to get home or if someone has a condom — so relax and have fun! Word of caution: Be careful about sending nude pictures or videos out over the Internet. A good indicator of whether or not you should send something is by asking yourself, “Would I be able to run for political office if these pictures surfaced?”??
One of the most necessary things needed to sustain a long-distance relationship is scheduling time for each other. It’s much easier to just blow off the person to write your term paper, go play basketball or focus on things going on around you. Schedule time to talk on the phone or web chat at specific times. It will ensure you are committed and interested in maintaining the relationship. It doesn’t always have to start with, “How was your day?” either. Try something like, “I was totally fantasizing about you today in calculus class today.” Offering up details helps to bridge the feelings of being separated from one another.
Of course, some of us just don’t want to limit our sexual selves and can’t see ourselves holding out for someone hundreds of miles away. That is totally OK!? Not everyone is into long-distance, and that is perfectly “normal.” There are alternatives to monogamy with distance. Open relationships — having your lover far away and if someone else comes along that can feed the need, then going for it — may be a great alternative. Another option would be to sustain a friendship and only being “together” when in the same city. Or simply not having a long-distance relationship at all is something else to consider. Look at all the options and decide which is best for you.
No matter what the decision is, it is crucial to communicate with your partner. For example, problems will arise if your partner is unaware that you want an open relationship. Relationships, especially long-distance ones, are based mostly on trust, and therefore being open with your partner is the only way to maintain that trust. This does not mean calling every five minutes to see what your lover is doing and making sure they are not screwing someone else. If trust between partners is a big issue, then maybe long-distance is not the way to go. Both people should be accepting of the relationship decision and able to trust the other person to hold true to it.
Having a partner far away can be a wonderful thing. Oftentimes people may feel like “long-distance” is a dirty phrase and can’t imagine living far from their significant other. However, being in a different city or country can allow people to develop themselves independently. We are in college for Pete’s sake! This is the time to really figure out who we are and to develop our interests. Having someone far away can allow us to make our own set of friends and do the activities we want to do without worrying about it impinging on hangout time with our partner. And another cheesy phrase, “distance makes the heart grow founder,” can also be true. If we aren’t around our partners 24/7, it’s less likely we will get annoyed by them or feel smothered and therefore may appreciate them more. Communication between partners can be better developed when oftentimes the only mode of contact is through conversation.
Overall, long-distance relationships can be difficult, since the person we want to spend the most time with is not in close proximity. But there are technologies and techniques that can help bridge the distance gap and sustain both the sexual drive and intimacy needed for a relationship.
I will in fact be moving on, so this is my final column. Thank you readers for supporting Hump Day. ?If you miss me, we could always get together via webcam.
Mary Kouba is moving on to nursing school, so this is her last article. Don’t let the long distance hinder you from e-mailing her at [email protected]
