This story was not written in the fleeting moments just before I fall asleep. This story was written mere hours after I sat across the table from Chuck Klosterman and attempted to get to know this notorious writer, who spoke later Monday at the Wisconsin Union Theater.

Unfortunately, I fail miserably in this task. Not because I am a nervous wreck during the interview (which I surprisingly am not) or because I ask some truly terrible questions (which I admittedly do). No, I will never know the ?real? Chuck Klosterman. In fact, no journalist will ever know their interview subject, and the ?Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs? author clarifies the reasoning behind this as we sit down and chat about all things political, musical and farcical.

?You know, I?ve never met anyone I?ve interviewed ? I?ve only interviewed them,? Klosterman explains, peeling back some tape on the table in front of him before folding his hands behind his head. ?I don?t know what they?re really like. They were in the position of basically marketing themselves or marketing a product. I was in the position of being a reporter who was having a conversation. ? Those just aren?t organic relationships.?

Still, I somehow manage to learn more in the 40 minutes backstage with the author/journalist/pop culture know-it-all than I had from reading his four books. First of all, Klosterman is the picture of arrested development. Throughout the interview, the writer, looking very much an overgrown child in his T.Rex T-shirt and black hoodie, flails his arms in excitement, tilts back dangerously in his chair the way elementary school children often do and finds any means possible to distract himself in the merry-go-round of thoughts in his mind.

But most striking to me during this interview is that, despite what his writings suggest, Klosterman is far from pretentious. Yet the writer is fully aware of critics who so strongly state otherwise. I don?t expect him to care, and, not surprisingly, he doesn?t.

?It?s better to try to only think, to not think about the audience when you?re writing ? which is almost impossible. It really is the only way it will work, because if you start thinking about how it?s going to be received, it?s going to change how you do it, you know?? Adds the writer, ?I?m not trying to persuade people to think the way I do. I think that?s one thing people often get wrong about my writing. I think they think I?m trying to convince them to agree with me, and I?m just basically trying to express the way I view the world.?

It?s obvious to me, however, that Klosterman?s views about music, sports and general pop culture have become some of the most popular among the teen and college populations, and I bring this to his attention. Apparently, this concept completely baffles him.

?I just didn?t anticipate things to work out the way they did. Like, the trajectory of my career is very different than what I thought it would be.?

After I tell him I?ve never seen more people lined up outside the theatre tonight than ever before, Klosterman becomes more amazed and increasingly more flustered.

?But this is what I?m talking about ? why do you think they?re here? I?m serious, I?d really be interested. I mean, in no way I?m complaining about it. Cause, the thing is, you might understand better than I do because I don?t understand how these things work. My life didn?t seem to change much and then everything around it changed and I don?t know why.?

I suggest his notoriety stems from his extensive knowledge about the ways of the pop culture world and entertainment industries.

?But there are a lot of people like that. I do fear, sometimes, that it?s too personality based. I wonder, sometimes you worry ? like, uh, are people interested in the ideas, or if somebody said them.?

And perhaps this is personality-based, I note to the author, as some have begun to hail him as the Hunter S. Thompson of our generation.

?That?s not true,? Klosterman says, looking down at his hands before resting his chin upon them. ?Well, here?s the deal ? that?s incredibly flattering ? but here?s how it happens, okay? A guy from a magazine has to write a piece about me. ? He wants to say something that people can understand. So, he?s like, ?Well, this guy?s a journalist, and he takes drugs and he?s kinda crazy and he has strange views and he?s humorous. I?m gonna compare him to Hunter S. Thompson.? ? I always believe like nobody believes those comparisons.?

However, Klosterman, like Thompson, is venturing from a world of non-fiction works into the fiction realm with his upcoming novel ?Downtown Owl,? and the writer gives me (some of the) details.

 ?It?s not autobiographical at all, I?m sure people will think it will, but they?ll just have to think that,? Klosterman laughs. ?It?s set in North Dakota in the early 1980s, and it?s sort of about the idea of things that everybody in a small town knows despite the fact that they might not be true.?

?And it was really hard to write, harder than I thought it would be, but I hope it?s okay,? the writer adds, then softly states, ?It just makes me nervous, makes me nervous to think about it.?

Yet, among his revelations about Britney Spears or his theories about ?Lost? during his speech for the packed theatre, this one sentence is the most startling statement to leave Klosterman?s mouth all evening.

Why this is surprising, I?m not quite sure, but one thing is certain: Chuck Klosterman, I hardly knew ye.